Sunday, September 20, 2009

Sunday afternoon ramblings

Is there anything dumber than praising a team for losing by 10? I just don’t get it. Tennessee had the perfect gameplan for keeping the game close by not taking any chances, but also the perfect gamplan for not winning the game. They were also one red zone Tebow fumble away from being down 30-6. Yeah, congrats Lane Kiffin, you win the Geoff Calkins “Coach Earned Respect” award. Not worth anything, however.

I was watching Rounders on Friday night and during a scene at a gentlemen’s club the song “I Hate Myself for Loving You,” by Joan Jett is playing. Most sports fans know this song now as the Sunday Night Football song by Faith Hill. So in the middle of Rounders I’ve got the lyrics, “I’ve been waiting all day for Sunday night….the NFL rocks on NBC…” repeating in my head, during Rounders. First off, NFL intro songs shouldn’t even exist as no football fan cares about this crap. But if stupid TV execs insist on remaking songs with NFL-themed lyrics then they need to make sure this song won’t ruin good movies. Can we have a committee for this? Seriously, if someone takes the theme from Braveheart and remakes it with Britney Spears for the Super Bowl, I just might go postal.

I’ve got TJ Houshmanzadeh on my fantasy team. Is Matt Hassleback getting injured a good thing or bad thing?

Norv Turner just elected to kick a field goal from the 6-yard-line on 3-and-Goal with 10 seconds left in the first half. Really Norv, you can’t just throw a fade route to one of your 6’4 receivers? This play wouldn’t take 5 seconds? How does Norv Turner have a job?

Cookies and cream ice cream is easily the best lazy Sunday dessert. I won’t even hear any other arguments.

Ed Hochuli made the following call today: “False start by the entire offensive line.” It almost made the Packers-Bengals game worth watching.

You know what is very underrated: the cold pint glass. I’ve been keeping a few in my freezer recently and it takes my beer to the next level. Why isn’t this done more often? Here’s the glass I’ve been rocking. It cost $6. Purchase this now, or whatever your favorite brew is.

Tom Brady looks mentally broken. I love it. I bet Bridget Moynahan sends Bernard Pollard thank you notes and gifts every week.

Why does Jay Cutler always look hungover? Seriously, he looks like this at all times.

And I had no idea that the most famous Jay Cutler was a body builder. Type Jay Cutler into google images.

I’m playing the same guy in both my fantasy football games. He got a big fat 0 out of Greg Jennings in both. What are the chances of that happening? 1 in million? I wish there was a numbers genius that posted odds of things happening before and after Sunday. Wouldn’t you feel better if the numbers guy posted on Monday that your heartbreaking loss in fantasy football had a once-in-a-lifetime chance of happening, sorta like seeing an asteroid hit Mars or something. I know this would help me deal with fantasy flukes. I need help.

Who watches "The Mentalist"? I don’t know one person. Who is the target audience? Some shows I don’t watch but understand how they are popular with other audiences, like, you know, "Jon and Kate Plus 8" with women. But "The Mentalist"? I have no idea who would want to watch this show. Slow people I guess.

Why aren’t tater tots more popular? And why aren’t there cheese-stuffed tots?

I love people who change their last name pronunciation. For instance, it’s not Willie Colon, it’s pronounced “cologne.” We all know it’s colon buddy. You aren’t fooling anyone. If you’re going to lie about the pronunciation, you might as well just change the whole damn name and be done with it. Or give yourself a cool nickname, like, “Willie the Colon Cleanser” and say things like “I hit people so hard they crap themselves.” Yep, this is how I spend my creative energy.


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