I’m pretty embarrassed with my performance picking NFL games last week, only getting 8 out of 16 games right. But, Graham only did one better, getting 9 right, so I’m still right there. It’s good to know my bad weeks are close to Graham’s good weeks.
It’s time for the week 2 preview.
Carolina Panthers (-6.5) at Atlanta Falcons
Chris: WTF Jake Delhomme. Sure, you sucked in the playoffs last year, but it’s not like you’ve been that bad for your career. I mean, he’s tossed 115 TDs vs. 80 INT for his career. He’s no Joe Montana, but hell, he’s not Cade McNown either. He’s like a pitcher that loses control and never gets it back. He’s off the tracks and this ship won’t right. Atlanta wins. Thank God I don’t play against the Falcons D in fantasy this week.
Graham: Before the start of the season I might have considered this game a toss-up. Now I have Atlanta as my eliminator pick this week. So Jake Delhomme, I’m counting on another 4 picks from you this weekend. Thanks in advance.
Minnesota Vikings (-9.5) at Detroit Lions
Chris: I know the Lions got destroyed by Drew Brees last week, but hell, who doesn’t? If I’ve got to pick one shocking outcome this week, it’s this one. I think the Lions surprise some people and only lose by a touchdown.
Graham: Clearly, Chris didn’t watch much of the Lions game last week. I’m not prepared to take a team coming off a winless season and now starting a rookie quarterback, with a coach who may or may not be on Prozac. And just how, exactly, are the Lions stopping Adrian Peterson? He’s going for 160+ this week and 3 touchdowns. Minnesota gets the nod.
Cincinnati Bengals (+9.5) at Green Bay Packers
Chris: Did I really pick the Bengals to cover last week? I mean, I didn’t pick the Bengals to just win, rather, I picked them to win by 5 points. What crack was I smoking? I’m going with the Packers. I hope they score about 3,000 points.
Graham: I can’t handle too many more Packers games like Sunday’s vomit-inducing affair against Chicago. So I say the Packers win this one by two touchdowns.
Houston Texans (+7.5) at Tennessee Titans
Chris: I don’t see a Jeff Fisher team losing their home opener after 9 days rest coming off a loss. I think the Texans lose 20-7 and every Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton fantasy enter, “Oh crap, the Texans suck” mode.
Graham: As a Steve Slaton fantasy owner, I’m already in “Oh crap, the Texans suck” mode. Oh, and he’s my #1 back. Good times. Tennessee’s the pick.
Oakland Raiders (+3.5) at Kansas City Chiefs
Chris: Neither of these teams appeared that crappy last week. I wish people gave me compliments like that. “Hey Chris, I like that shirt. I saw a guy wearing it on “To Catch a Predator” last week. Kansas City, I guess.
Graham: There’s a good chance that not a single person in America outside of Oakland and Kansas City will watch this game. Hell, people in Oakland and Kansas City might now watch this game. Two crappy teams and few players of consequence in fantasy isn’t a recipe for a ratings bonanza. I bet the announcers who get assigned to this game take it as a wake-up call, and start rethinking their careers. Could there be a worse NFL assignment than this game? Anyway, if I have to make a pick, it’s Kansas City.
New England Patriots (-5.5) at NY Jets
Chris: Leave it up to the Bills to giftwrap a f-ing win to the Pats at the last minute. I think it takes some more time to get the Pats mojo back, unless they take cialis. This Jets team and Rex Ryan look mean. I’ll take the Jets and feel dumb on Monday when Brady throws 5 TDs.
Graham: Of course Fumble McWhatshisname was going to cough up that ball and give a win to the Patriots. Does any other team get more breaks than New England (Well, apart from their starting quarterback shredding his knee in last year’s season opener. And a key linebacker suffering a stroke.). But I’m with Chris. New England wasn’t impressive at all, at least in the 10 minutes I watched since the game started at 4 p.m. Pacific time. I’m going with the Jets too. Just shoot me.
New Orleans Saints (+1.5) at Philadelphia Eagles
Chris: I didn’t anticipate Donovan McNabb getting injured until game 4. Way to shock me Donovan. Do you think Donovan and Jeff Garcia hang out and bitch about their past with TO while eating chunky soup? I bet they do. What does Kevin Kolb do now that he’s 4th on the Eagles QB depth chart? I wish I could get paid for being 4th in line to do actual work. I’m picking the Saints.
Graham: Drew Brees vs. Jeff Garcia. Hmm…Drew Brees. Saints get the pick.
St. Louis Rams (+10.5) at Washington Redskins
Chris: The Rams looked atrocious last week at the Seahawks, and yet, they were one dumb penalty away from going into the locker room at halftime tied. Then again, I’m not dumb enough to pick the Rams until they prove otherwise. I’ll take the Redskins even though I’m unsure if a Jason Campbell offense can score 2 TDs.
Graham: I took a long, hard look at this game. I hate the Rams. They’re terrible. But you know what else is terrible? The feeling you get picking a Jason Campbell-led team to cover a double figure spread. I imagine making that pick is akin to awaiting the results of an HIV test. I just compared Jason Campbell to HIV. This is going bad fast. I hate this game. I don’t know what to do. Screw it, Jason Campbell, HIV and the Redskins it is.
Arizona Cardinals (+3.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars
Chris: Don’t West Coast teams always crap the bed when they have to play early games on the East Coast? I’m picking Jacksonville.
Graham: Another tough pick. You know what else is a tough pick- tonight at 9 p.m. when The Office and Fringe season premieres go head-to-head. I’m seriously leaning toward Fringe. With The Office…that documentary they’ve been shooting all these years- will it ever actually air? Seriously, it must be like a Ken Burns film or something. My God. Anyway, I guess I’m taking Arizona. I guess.
Chris: I have been thinking the same thing about The Office documentary film. I’m hoping that the series finale is actually the documentary footage used with a voiceover and whatnot, you know, like a real documentary.
Part 2 will be posted tomororw.
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