Friday, February 27, 2009

Recession? What recession?

I imagine this scene playing out in the Redskins' offices today. It begins with the phone ringing in the GM's office (Note to readers: I didn't bother to look up the name of the Redskins GM. Whatever. Whoever it is is a glorified intern anyway).

GM: "Mr. Snyder. How are you today?"
Dan Snyder: "Great. I want Albert Haynesworth."
GM: "Yeah, he's a pretty good player. What do you think, $60 million?"
DS: "$100 million. Done."
GM: "Wait, we probably don't need to-"
DS: "Listen. I don't believe in negotiating, ok? Just throw the money at him and get him here."
GM: "It's just that, he hasn't played a full 16 games since his rookie season."
DS: "We have good trainers."
GM: "He once stomped on a guy's face."
DS: "Competitive fire!"
GM: "He waited until a contract year to put up his best numbers."
DS: "He's a late bloomer. Look guy whose name I don't know. If you want to be back in the PR department, I can make that happen."
GM: "Whoa, no need to do anything rash like that. OK, I'll make the call."
DS: "While you're at it, how about $54 million for DeAngelo Hall."
GM: "Wait- didn't he talk his way out of Atlanta a few years ago?"
DS: "Was he killing dogs?"
GM: "Don't think so."
DS: "Hell, even if he was, I wouldn't care."
GM: "OK, but he just signed that huge deal in Oakland last year, and only lasted half the year before they got fed up and cut him. They paid him nearly $30 million for 8 games, and washed their hands of him."
DS: "Al Davis called me and said it was all Lane Kiffin's fault."
GM: "Al Davis knows how to use a phone?"
DS: "Fine, it was a telegram."
GM: "OK, look. The country's in the worst recession in nearly a century. Don't you think it will look bad if we throw $150 million at two players with shady character traits who only show up in contract years?"
DS: "We sell out every game. Talk to me about that when people stop coming."
GM: "Good point. What about this- over the last few years you've spent hundreds of millions of dollars on Shawn Springs, Deion Sanders, Dana Stubblefield, Bruce Smith, Adam Archuleta and Jeremiah Trotter. And what have we gotten for it? Nothing. Maybe it's time to take a step back and re-evaluate our philosophy here."
DS: "Hey, is Lawrence Taylor available? Give his agent a call."

Kenny Rogers: Gangsta Rap Forefather?

I’m constantly amazed that there’s so much comedy in the world that has existed for decades and it takes me 28 years to find it. Watch this Kenny Rogers video and then we’ll discuss.

Okay, so Kenny Rogers writes a gang-rape ballad back in 1980 and no one ever talks about this? Seriously?

Was this one of the founding songs of gangsta rap? (Like you couldn’t imagine a rap song saying something along the lines of “They f-ed with my girl so now I’m gonna f them up.”)

Did this song provide one of the themes of Back to the Future (unable to back down from the “chicken” taunt)? As a matter of fact, did John Grisham have to pay royalties from A Time To Kill to Rogers?

Did this song really hit number 1 on the UK pop charts?

Did this song really get made into a movie?

Yes it did! I can get this from Netflix! I also love the fact that when I added this movie to my queue, it recommended this Chuck Norris gem.

And lastly, is Kenny Rogers implying that this guy shouldn’t have fought/killed/whatever the guys that gang-raped his girl? Really, that’s the story being told here? Turn the other cheek, even when the girl you love is gang-raped by three yokels who then laugh and taunt you afterwards? What a great message! I can’t wait to be on my deathbed and teach my son this lesson.


Thursday, February 26, 2009

The first annual RTS "Who is more pathetic" competition

Graham and I competed via email for who is the bigger loser. You be the judge of who the winner (or loser) was.

Graham: I was just on and noticed a link to a new Tiger Woods Nike ad. I thought I'd check it out so I gave it a click. I was sent to the page and had to sit through a 15-second commercial for a razor or something, before the Tiger ad came on.

In other words, I watched an ad before I could watch an ad.

So it's come to this.

Chris: That's pretty bad.

You know how I know I have no life. I saw a link on True Hoop about a guy that blogged about how playing rec basketball like Shane Battier would improve his game (after reading the Michael Lewis article). After reading the guy's blog, I was mad because I've been patterning my game after Battier for years on the hardwood and I could've written it ten times better. So yeah, I was jealous of another blogger for about 10 seconds before realizing how pathetic that sounds.

Graham: Is this turning into a version of the 40-Year-Old Virgin's “You know how I know you're gay” scene? Fine, bring it.

You know how I know I have no life? Monday night I was scrolling through the TV listings, and audibly groaned when I noticed that “How I Met Your Mother” was a rerun that night.

Chris: You know how I know I have no life...last night the Grizz were down 20 and I paused the game to make dinner so I didn't miss anything.

Graham: You know how I know I have no life? I've been getting worried that I haven't been playing enough Guitar Hero recently and my skills are eroding.

Chris: You know how I know I have no life? I just spent an hour setting my predraft fantasy baseball rankings because I won't be at the draft tomorrow night and I wanted to make sure that the people live drafting would be thrown off by my rankings being different than the standard ones. I had to find another websites' ranking to use because I don't even like baseball and thus can't rank players on my own.

The verdict is in….we’re both equally pathetic.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

What is wrong with this guy?

I saw this on The Soup this week. This shouldn't be called Man vs. Wild. This should be called "WTF, seriously"?


Monday, February 23, 2009

I'm more like Brett Favre than I care to admit

It was only six weeks ago that I penned this blog entry stating that I was going to quit fantasy sports. I spent weeks debating it, going back and forth in my mind over whether I was going to put myself through the emotional meat grinder again.

About a week ago, I decided enough was enough, and I was going to say no.

The next day I e-mailed our commissioner. And told him I was in.

So find me a Jets jersey, because I'm coming back for one more year. And honestly, I don't even know why. This promises to end well.

Anyway, a few Monday thoughts:

-So the Colts are releasing Marvin Harrison. Let's see...big name, old, ineffective, long before the Raiders offer him $10 million per year?

-There are a few things in life I refuse to do. Watch anything on TLC. Wear a scarf. Type "LOL" in an e-mail. The latest addition: watching anything related to the NFL combine. I'd rather go on a date with Chris to go see Confessions of a Shopaholic than spend a second of my life worrying about the bench press results for tight ends.

-Related to that last note, are Todd McShay's parents proud of him? Sure, he's on ESPN, but did they envision their son breathlessly reporting the 40 times of defensive linemen? I say no.

-So John Tortorella's the new coach of the New York Rangers. Which means he'll be dealing with Larry Brooks on a daily basis. So does that mean every press scrum will end like this? If so, sign me up.

-I was at breakfast this morning and at a nearby booth was Joey Harrington. Sadly though, when he tried to pass the syrup, it got intercepted.

Thank you, really, you're too kind. I'll be here all week.


Friday, February 20, 2009

Cat fight!

Is this the lamest fight attempt in the history of professional sports? First, you could tell that neither player really wanted to throw down; they just wanted to save face. Second, could there be a more inconsequential fight than DJ Mbenga and Chris Mihm? I can’t think of a more uninteresting teammate tandem going at it. At least a Brian Cardinal-Mark Madsen fight would contain unintentional comedy.

Without further ado…the lamest NBA attempted fight in history.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

First Video Found

When I start my TV station "The Jam" (more on this another time), this will be the first thing I air.


Monday, February 16, 2009

What Confessions of a Shopaholic taught me about the Detroit Bad Boys

I had a lovely Valentine’s Day that consisted of a double-date with my fiancée and two of our friends. It was pretty standard: dinner and a movie. I make my fiancée watch an innumerable amount of sports so I don’t think it’s a big deal to go to a romantic comedy or two to repay the favor. That being said, I can still gripe about Confessions of a Shopaholic (COAS) after the fact.

You know why most guys loathe going to romantic comedies? For every decent one, there’s 18 crappy ones lined up right behind it. For every Pretty Woman, there’s another 15 Runaway Brides. For every When Harry Met Sally, there’s another 12 You’ve Got Mail’s coming.

Where did COAS fall? It was the loathsome crap that makes men want to shoot themselves. Seriously, if you want to get the male audience to return to one of these types of movies before next Valentine’s Day, maybe you could make a romantic comedy that is merely boring instead of painful. (How painful was COAS? Let’s just say that halfway through the movie my flask was empty and my male counterpart was asleep. You be the judge of which of us was smarter.)

Now, I suppose one would argue that the respectable Valentine’s Day movie that men could possibly enjoy, or at the very least, not abhor, was He’s Just Not That Into You. However, the studio that made that movie decided it was best to release it on Feb. 6 so that 75% of the female population could go watch it with their girlfriends and then subject their men to COAS the next weekend. And that’s exactly what happened; both my fiancée and my friend’s wife had both already seen He’s Just Not That Into You, which meant we were subjected to one of the worst movies of all-time.

I’d love to sit here and give you a review of the movie if it weren’t for the following problems: A) My flask was empty midway through the movie so I’m not sure how accurate my review would be and 2. Why would any male want to read a review of that movie? If you didn’t have to see COAS this weekend, just be grateful. You should be feeling exactly how men felt when their draft number wasn’t called.

However, I will complain about two components of COAS that at least deserve a footnote to the rant above.

First off, the plot revolved around a style-obsessed shopaholic journalist who desperately wants to work for a prestigious woman’s fashion magazine. Since the shopaholic can’t get that job, she somehow lands a job with financial magazine owned by the same parent company with the thinking that it at least gives her a foot in the door. Seriously, that’s the plot? That’s the best they could come up with? A shopaholic somehow lands a job working as a financial columnist? That’s the equivalent of me wanting to write for and thinking that I could write for a soap opera on ABC until my time came. (Or, as I said on Saturday when leaving the movie, “It’d be like me writing tampon reviews.” Thanks Captain Morgan!).

Second, how in the hell did this movie have John Goodman and John Salley in it? John Goodman, you’re better than this. You were classic in Raising Arizona. You provided comic relief in Arachnophobia. I’m even a fan of Dan Conner in Rosanne. Hell, you’re Walter F-ing Sobchak in The Big Lebowski. And now, you’re the Dad in COAS? Didn’t you learn your lesson from being the Dad in Coyote Ugly? Is there a worse combo in movie history than appearing in these two movies? I dare someone to find a worse two movie combo for a once respectable actor/actress.

And you, John Salley. Weren’t you a member of the Bad Boys? As if Bill Laimbeer’s WNBA coaching career and Isiah Thomas’s throwing of his daughter under the bus to cover up his psedo suicide attempt weren’t enough, you’ve gone and done this. Can the Pistons of the late ‘80s still be called the Bad Boys when Dennis Rodman went on to wear dresses and Salley appears in COAS? At this rate, Joe Dumars will show up at his next press conference in a coconut bra and grass skirt to announce he’s resigning as GM of the Pistons to pursue a career in figure skating.

Happy Monday!


Friday, February 13, 2009

Hell has frozen over!

The better (or worse) part of this blog has been devoted to Graham's disapproval of Rick Reilly and my loathing of Geoff Calkins. Well, it's a new day at RTS. I finally agree with Calkins on a Grizzlies article. I thought about posting why the Grizz should trade for Amare Stoudemire, but I don't have to waste the time and energy. Calkins and I agree. What next, Rick Reilly writes a manifesto on the Canadian sports struggle?


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

DVR This Now

I’ve done a lot of soul searching lately and it’s time that I come clean. "The Soup" is the second funniest show on TV behind "The Office." I’m sorry Earl and Barney, but Joel McHale brings it about 50 weeks out of the year.

It’s what SNL used to be. A topical, hilarious spoof of all things pop culture. I don’t think Graham watches it either. I’ve come to "The Soup" late in life, only in the past year or so have I been watching it religiously, but I implore Graham and all of you out there to jump on the bandwagon.

Below are two of my favorite clips from last week’s episode. The first is from the actual show, and the second is one that "The Soup" used as well although I can’t find the exact clip that they aired. Without further ado, the second funniest show on TV.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Random Questions

Here are a few of the questions rattling around in my cranium right now.

Why did Peter Gammons take it so easy on A-Rod?

How does any human being get as orange as that?

If the lighting guy screwed up the lighting in the biggest interview of the year, was he fired?

Why does Nate McMillan bother calling timeout before a last second play when all he does is give the ball to Brandon Roy at the top of the key and let him do his own thing?

When will Chris admit that I was right about John Salmons?

And Randy Foye?

Why did no one ever tell me that Applebee's makes a pretty good steak?

Whatever happened to the radio interview Chris and I were supposed to do?

Were we bumped for Darvin Ham?

Is Darvin Ham the lamest ex-NBA player you can get bumped for?

Or does that title belong to Uwe Blab?

What kind of music awards show puts Coldplay and Metallica in the same category?

How awesome was Radiohead's performance with the USC marching band?

Since when is there someone else out there besides me whose feelings regenerate at the twice the normal speed?

Why is Dancing With the Stars entering its eighth season, while Friday Night Lights is hanging by a thread?

Is Anquan Boldin a frigging moron?

Seriously, how many quarterbacks throw the ball as well as Kurt Warner?

Who's more evil, Comcast or the INS?

Why do studios continue to hire Nicolas Cage to star in their movies?

Where the hell is Barry Pepper these days? Seriously, he was thisclose to being a huge star.

What does it mean for SNL that last week's host was the eighth lead from that He's Just Not Into You movie?

Seriously, did Justin Long turn them down or something?

Why does Mario Kart for Wii insist on cheating?

Why are people bothering with that 25 Random Things on Facebook?

If Michael Phelps punched the guy who sent that photo of him smoking a bong to the tabloids in the face, would any jury in the world convict him?

Is Adam Carolla one of the three funniest people alive?

Seriously, what happened to our radio show? That was gonna be off the hook.

Do people still say off the hook?

Friday, February 6, 2009

A review 8 years in the making

As was mentioned earlier this week, I have an unparalleled love of The Fast and the Furious. I think it’s by far the greatest unintentional comedy of all-time, right up there with Con Air and You Got Served. I’m so excited about the new Fast and the Furious coming out that I’ve decided to give you a running diary style review of the original just so you can get pumped up for the newest installment.

And we’re off…

How does one go about getting neon lights added underneath their car? Is this expensive?

I also love the fact that these guys hijack 18-wheelers by driving fast sedans around it, have someone jump onto the 18-wheeler, beat up the truck driver, then steal the loot. Wouldn’t it be more cost effective, and far less risky, to simply set up a road block about half a mile down the road with two huge SUVs and a lot of guns? Maybe I should go into this business.

What do you think Paul Walker’s parents said to him after they watched the movie with him? “Good job Paul! We’re really proud of you! You’ll probably be on the awards circuit later this year.”

I love the rap-rock soundtrack. Any soundtrack that has a mellow Limp Bizkit style song is good for me. By the way, have you seen a picture of Fred Durst lately? This is the karma payment plan for sure.

What are the chances that a guy that looks like Vin Diesel (Dom) would ever hang out with a pretty boy like Paul Walker (Brian)? Is there such a thing as a negative percentage?

How exactly is this a running diary when I haven’t even mentioned one part of the actual movie yet? This is more like a stream-of-furiousness.

I love all the cars with the gaudy decals. Are those hard to get? For April Fool’s I want to get a bunch of dragon and princesses and put them on one of my friend’s cars. Can we make this happen?

The action is heating up. Dom’s friend Vince is about to beat up Brian. I’m so excited. I’m so scared.

“Watch your back…watch your back, watch your back, watch your, watch your, watch your back.” I have to find that song on iTunes. “Watch your back!”

“I’m in your face,” Dom says Brian. He’s too intimidating for me to even make fun of.

“I’ve seen the way you drive. You have a heavy foot. You’ll blow yourself to pieces.”

I think I used to as my senior quote. I can’t remember. The gist was the same. And what’s the big deal about having a heavy foot. Don’t all these guys? Isn’t that what makes them fast and furious?

Did Ja Rule lose or gain street cred for being in this movie?

“They call me Hector.” I call you moron. They call me Chris.

“It’s not how you stand by your car. It’s how you race your car. You better learn that.” Lesson learned. Thanks Ja Rule!

I love tough girl Michelle Rodriguez. “Rrrrr..I smell skanks. Why don’t you pack it up before I leave tread marks on your face.” Man, she’s hardcore! Dom, you’re one lucky guy!

Brian puts his $80,000 car on the line in a race because he has to earn respect. I respect you!

“Street’s closed pizza boy.”

“God-damned street racers.”

That is witty banter my friends. You don’t get repartee like that in every action movie.

If Ja Rule wins, he not only wins the money but he’s going to engage in a ménage a trios as well. Now he’ll try harder, because winning a car and a couple of grand wasn’t enough motivation.

Who is the sports equivalent of Vin Diesel? If I called Vin Diesel the Lamar Odom of acting, which one would be offended?

Brian’s car is falling apart in the middle of the race. What does he do? He yells shut up at the computer system in his car. Someone else that yells at inanimate objects!

Shocking! Dom wins. Brian is stunned. I never saw this coming. Cue plot!

“I almost had you!” Brian says.

“You almost had meeeeee? You never had me. You never had your car….Almost had me? (Chuckle, chuckle), Ask any racer, it don’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning’s winning.”

It’s all downhill from here. I want to get a t-shirt made with that line on it. Seriously, someone custom make that for me. I’ll wear it everywhere. 2xl.

What the hell kind of name is Vin anyway?

I love how right after Brian was done racing his car was steaming from the hood and looked undriveable. (Is that a word?) Now, 5 minutes later he has no problem outrunning the cops in it.

If you were responsible for the score of this movie, would you put that on your resume? I bet the guy tries to forget it and hopes it doesn’t come up in a job interview, just like an ex-con worries about his rap sheet coming to light.

“Be ready to have your ass handed to you,” Dom’s rival Johnny Tran says.

What do you say to that? “No, you be prepared to have me hand you your ass. I am the master preparer.”

Dom and Brian make it back to Dom’s crash pad, finally.

It’s about time we got a clichéd party scene going. Dude in wifebeater playing one chord on a guitar. Two girls making out. One random couple dancing in the middle of the room. A guy drinking a beer hitting on a girl. Who is the ad wizard that came up with this scene?

Why does everyone in this movie look like they just left a sauna? Is it really this hot in California? I thought it was always sunny and 70.

“I’m simpler,” says Brian. Understatement of the decade.

Oh wow, Brian is a cop. How sneaky!

FYI: The Fast and the Furious made $148 million at the box office. The three movies in the series made over $330 million at the theater domestically. How crazy is that?

Dom just told Brian that he has to get his ass making money. And Dom’s sister said that Dom owned Brian now. Is he trying to turn Brian into a whore?

Two scenes ago the people couldn’t stop sweating during a late night house party. Now, they’ll all eating dinner outside at dusk with no problem. What the hell type of climate are they living in?

I love the way Vince drinks his beer without the bottle actually touching his mouth. Is that a skill?

“I’m putting you on the street where you belong,” Vince says to Brian. I seriously just realized that this entire movie is really an allegory for Brian being a prostitute. Brilliant! That’s why this movie holds up. It’s so deep!

It’s time for Brian to go back into undercover mode. I’m so scared for you Brian! Be careful.

Brian gets caught snooping around. He has to lie to Dom to save his ass. I’m so torn. I wish they could be real friends. I hate all the deceit.

Oh wow, I just found out the director of this movie was a) the pizza boy in the opening scene and b) directed Dragonheart, one of the worst movies of all time. Shocking!

Brian is taking Dom’s sister out on a date. “You break her heart, I break your neck,” Dom says. What a sweet big brother.

Dom tells Brian his sad story about his Dad dieing in a car crash. It’s quite possibly the most touching moment in cinema history. Words do no justice.

“I live my life a quarter mile at a time. For those ten seconds or less, I’m free.” I feel you Dom, I feel you.

Uh-oh, Brian and Dom’s sister Mia are sleeping together. This plot is getting so crazy.

Cue hard rock music. It’s time for a montage of police raids, working on cars and making out. Does it get any better than this; I submit that it does not.

“I can put it on whoever I want, perks of the job,” the cop leading the investigation says to Brian. Is that another prostitution reference?

I love how you read those stories of cops being undercover for years and busting guys, but Brian goes undercover for about 3 weeks and immediately becomes infatuated with the crooks. Did he go to undercover cop school for 2.5 hours?

Brian tells Dom he wants in on the thievery. Long, awkward pause with some horn playing. This was big. I got chills.

Are there really things like race wars? I guess so.

It’s the big showdown with Dom and Johnny Tran.

The actor that plays Tran might be the worst actor of all-time, the Casey Jacobsen of the silver screen. I dare someone to find a worse actor.

I’d love to keep this diary going for the final climatic scene, but I just can’t bring myself to start a 5th page on the Fast and the Furious. I just won’t be able to respect myself in the morning. Plus, I don’t want to give away the ending in case there’s a few of you out there who haven’t seen it. Let’s just say it’s the greatest ending in the history of movies.


Thursday, February 5, 2009

What is scaring me today

You know what scares me? Well, other than STDs, shark attacks and seeing all the idiots I graduated high school with becoming far more successful than me. The two things that currently scare me are having children and growing old. These two things became readily apparent when emailing with Graham over the last 24 hours.

First, having children scares me for a multitude of reasons, but here’s what scares me today. You know how schools sometimes have those “go to work with your Dad” days. Well, if I have a kid, and I’m on the same career path, my child is going to sit next to me in my cubicle and watch me rant and write funny little stories to Graham for about 1-2 hours a day. My kid might as well start be given a pocket protector and a World of Warcraft character at birth because I don’t think my child will recover from the day after “going to work with Dad” day. My kid will have to sit and listen to stories from other children talking about going to the police station with their detective dad or sitting quietly in court watching their lawyer father. And what will my kid do, he’ll shrink in the corner like Lloyd in the gas station bathroom. So yeah, I got that going for me.

And what does growing old have to do with any of that? Well, see the emails below with Graham.

Thanks to you pointing out the Beer Pong article, I couldn't help but click on this one. Why do men turn 40 and become complete f-ing morons? I'm so scared of writing something similar to this when I hit 40. If Geoff Calkins and Rick Reilly had a love-child, it would be like the anti-Christ of coolness, if you will.

He sits there and tells me not to sign up to be a Super Bowl halftime show fan, like I even have the option. Thanks for telling me not to spend about $500 to fly to Tampa, find a hotel for a few days, run around in the halftime show and go home. It really was an option for me, but now that you told me it's not fun, I'm not going to do it.

Also, thanks for letting me know that the people on the field don't get paid. I had no idea. I thought those people were millionaires when they were done.

I also love the fact that he talks about how crappy the volunteers have it. He talks about how terrible the rehearsals are, except, cause he's stupid f-ing Rick Reilly, he didn't even go to the rehearsals. He didn't even have it bad. He just had to show up about 20 minutes before the concert, run onto the field and then leave. For him to say not to be a volunteer fan, it's not even because he had it that bad. It's because it was that bad for the people that had to actually go through the entire process. Agh!!!!!

And why does he put the word fan in quotation marks throughout the story? Explain that please.

Seriously, I give you permission to shoot me in the face if I ever become this lame. Then again, you'll hit 40 before me, so I'll probably have to put you down and get Ross Wooden to take me out when I hit that age. The fact that Reilly is a millionaire and I'm sitting in my cubicle is too much for me to handle. He must have made a deal with the devil.

Do you realize ESPN paid something like $15 million to get him away from SI? It's staggering. The sad thing is, 3 or 4 times a year he takes a column and knocks it out of the park, reminding you how he got there in the first place. The rest of the time he's just mailing it.

Hey, kind of like Mitch Albom. And Mike Lupica.

Seriously, it's incredible that these guys have some of the most coveted jobs in sports and are as lazy and complacent as they are.

I don't buy the lazy thing. I really don't. The column wasn't just a product of laziness. It was downright lame and stupid. Look, lazy I can identify with. I really can. If he just had a running diary while sitting at home watching the game like (Bill) Simmons, well, I get that, I really do. But this crap isn't even a product of laziness. He actually went to Tampa and had to think up a story and this is what he comes up with. And then, he gets it completely wrong. Those people are out there at halftime so they have a story to tell the rest of their life. Sure, there's a bit more work to the volunteer gig than either you or I expected, but that's the price you pay to be able to say, "I was on the field during the wardrobe malfunction" or "I was 15 feet from The Boss when he slid across stage." I'm serious, we need doctors to look into how one becomes so lame over time. It's inevitable, too. It scares the hell out of me, much like the thought of colonoscopies.

And here's another thing. If people turn lame at 40, then they become downright senile at sometime around 65.

I was walking out of Target yesterday and this 65 year old man goes straight through the parking lot stop sign and crosswalk going about 30 mph (which is about 70 mph in both senior citizen and parking lot terms). After he rolls through, he has to come to a stop because one of those automated machines has about 20 carts attached to it and is in the way. No one is controlling the machine and it isn't moving. So what does the old man do? He honks at it for about 10 seconds and drives around.

First off, at what point will I start getting mad at inanimate objects? What causes this to happen to someone? Does this guy yell at his soup if it's not hot enough?

Second, you could see the carts were there from a mile away. He could've turned down about 5 different rows to avoid running into the problem. I blame him for it all. I looked around as it was happening to make sure that I wasn't in some sort of dreamlike hell. No one seemed to notice the old man but me. I left quickly while saying The Lord's Prayer.

That's terrific, it really is. It reminds me of an episode of “The Simpsons” where Grandpa Simpson is telling a story about the time he appeared in the newspaper. He produced a copy, and above a photo of him is the headline "Old man yells at cloud".

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

My new hero

Anytime I see someone try to ride a huge snowball, they get props on the blog. It's just that simple.


Monday, February 2, 2009

Super Bowl recap...sorta

The best part about the Super Bowl was hearing Al Michaels say, "Dan Rooney jacket off" and immediately wondering what he meant, then realizing what he meant, then wondering if he meant the double entendre. Yeah, I'm real mature.

The second best part of the Super Bowl was a couple of movie trailers shown during commercials. If you don't think I'll be lining up early to see this movie, you obviously don't know me.