Saturday, June 27, 2009

The scariest movie of the '80s

This seems apropos with Michael Jackson dieing and all.


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Are you smarter than an NFL player?

I don’t know if this post is mocking, or online advertising, or the intelligence of football players. Maybe it’s some of all three.

Anyway, I clicked on an story the other day and happened to see an advertisement that said the average Denver Bronco player IQ is 83 and I should go to the link to take an IQ test to see if I could beat a score of 83. The ad is on the bottom of the screen shot below. (You might need to click on the picture to see the ad.)

Now, I’m no genius (as if I had to say that), but 83 seems low, even for the traditionally meat-headed sport of football. I had to investigate.

Here’s what I found out, “According to the Wechsler Intelligence Scales, an IQ Score of 83 is classified as low intelligence. Any person with an 83 IQ score is functioning below the scale of normal average intelligence. The Wechsler Scales classify normal average intelligence as a score in the range of 90 - 109.”

So the average intelligence of the Denver Broncos is “low intelligence.” Surely the nerdy kicker or the third string QB scored somewhere in the 100s, so does that mean someone else on the Broncos scored a 50 or something? Then again, the sport revolves around putting on helmets and pads and hitting each other as hard as possible, so maybe 83 is about right.


Sunday, June 14, 2009

Just another email Friday

Every once in awhile there’s a perfect storm during the work week when neither Graham nor I is particularly busy and email exchanges reach a fever pitch. This occurred on Friday, with 29 emails being sent over the course of the day. Here’s the highlights.

I dare you to find a bigger loser than this guy. Get out the family album if you have to.

His reply was removed to save my reputation in this city.

What's your problem with Chuck? Have you ever watched it? It's funny, has good action sequences, and doesn't take itself too seriously. As for Earl, I'm glad it's gone. I've watched every episode, and the last couple of seasons have been brutal. So bad, I was taking it off my DVR season pass if it came back. It was unwatchable. NBC did them a favor by not allowing them to embarrass themselves anymore.

I like that out of all the references on the blog, you took exception to Chuck. I made fun of your nation, your national sport, your football hero, even referenced your offspring and you take exception with me talking about a TV Show. Well done Graham, well done.

As for Chuck, I haven't watched an episode. It just looks utterly stupid. I mean, a comedy-action show? How often does this work? And doesn't the plot revolve around some geeky loser named Chuck (who just happens to be the most attractive "geek" you'd ever find) somehow gets tangled up with a super-sexy-spy lady and this show continues to keep happening? They wouldn't figure out a way to get Chuck back to his normal life? It's like you're drunk at a bar and accidentally walk into the women's bathroom and instead of correcting the mistake, they just tell you that you're a woman for the rest of your life. Really, this a TV show?

As for Earl, I don't know what crap you are smoking, I thought it was just as good recently as before. You are the only one, oh, and NBC I suppose, that I've heard talk bad about it. Randy and Earl Hickey do not embarrass themselves. Oh snap!

Make fun of my family, country, sports, that's all fine. But you do not make fun of Chuck.

(Spoiler alert)

As a matter of fact, they did find a way to get Chuck back to his normal life at the end of Season 2, but then he had to have another intersect inputted into his brain to prevent the bad guys from getting a hold of it...

You know what, it sounds stupid on paper. But you're on Netflix, rent season 1 and give it a try. It's a good show. The important this is they don't take it too seriously. If they did, it wouldn't work.

And as soon as Earl went to prison, that show was done.

You are trying to convince me to watch a show based on the following information, "but then he had to have another intersect inputted into his brain to prevent the bad guys from getting a hold of it."

It doesn't sound dumb on paper. It is dumb. Look, I got enough dumb in my life already. We know this. I don't need to add Chuck to the list. I'd prefer Chuck take themselves extra serious. I love action shows that don't realize they are comedies. I don't like comedies that try to add action. Does that make sense?

I don't have time to add Chuck. I have to watch Mad Men Season 2 and start Weeds. I have priorities. What does it say about me that I plan summer TV shows months ahead of time? I also planned my wedding/honeymoon in July because it's a dead sports month. I have problems. Maybe I need an intersect put in my brain.

As for Earl, did you see the episode where Randy starts doing steoroids, or whale semen, or whatever. Classic.

At least we agree on Mad Men, even if you're late to the party. Here's a show you need to get on to: Dexter. It's outstanding.

I've been doing Dexter for a while buddy (Started at the end of season 1). As for Mad Men, I'd be caught up except the DVD for Season 2 is about 12 months behind. What the hell, seriously.

Here's a good discussion: Rank your top 5 favorite Seinfeld moments.

I know that when George complains to Elaine about not getting a Christmas card and Elaine rubs George's head in her chest is on my list. The Jerk Store line is on there as well. I need 3 more. Got a few to add?

Jerk store

George's story about pulling the golf ball out of the whale's blow hole

The contest - "I'm out"

Kramer's story about driving the bus while fighting off a mugger

Jerry's line to George while he's trying to figure out how to incorporate food and tv into his sex life: "George, we're trying to have a society here."

Yeah, George and the whale blow hole is on mine too.
I'm out, as well.

Lastly, can I just pick the entire shrinkage episode? I love when Kramer, Elaine and Jerry see George's GF topless and Kramer talks about how maybe she is trying to generate good buzz. And then, I love Jerry's quote, "like a frightened turtle!"

And of course the summer of George.

"I'm going to read a book. The whole thing!"
"I've always wanted to do that."

When Jerry sits on the bench and envisions his life with the girlfriend or the life with him using the "Hellooooo" voice.

This could go on forever. Instead, I'm just going to call you an idiot for posting your blog entry twice.

Blogspot gave me an error message, so I reposted.

Forgot to ask- you psyched for Game 7 of the Stanley Cup tonight? Even you must be able to appreciate the finals going to 7 games. Not like it's happening in the NBA this year.

I might flip it on if I'm around. I have yard sale prep tonight. It's going to be a thriller!

My fiancee asked me one of the scariest questions a fiancee can say to her soon to be husband. We were watching the finals and she said, "Where is the closest WNBA team?" I stammered and said there weren't any around here. She seemed satisfied, although she said, "It would be fun to go sometime if they were closer." If there is a God, I never end up near a WNBA game in the next 50 years. Margie could make me go. Dear God, I'm getting cold feet.

So she wants to go to a WNBA game? That's almost grounds for calling off the wedding.

I also found out I can't play poker professionally, as I froze up at the question and stammered through, "uh..uh...there aren't any teams around here...they are in uh...uh...Los Angeles and Houston I think...uh...uh..."

So, from the "I don't feel sorry for these people" department, people who are didn't prepare for the digital tv switch. Go to this link and read the story.

You had a year. The commercials were non-stop. Did you think all the networks would just forget?

2 things I love about this.

1. The picture of the guy answering the calls. It looks like this is his first job in several years and that his Mom made him stop growing weed in the basement and finally earn an income.

2. People that didn't switch over are "technophones." Do we just make up words constantly? I'm a bankruptaphobe, an age-o-phobe, and fatgutophobe.

I liked "Fuzzywart"'s comment:


Well said, sir.

What else were these people not prepared for? The election?

Look man, these are old people, alright, they can't even crap in a toilet anymore. They turn on f-ing Matlock and that's about it. They think HD is a disease.

And just as quickly as the email exchange came with a reckless abandon, it ended, full of sound and fury, signifying the end of nothing.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Nothing's gonna stop me now

I feel so betrayed. Graham just picked up and left for 10 days and I got the same notice that all the fans (our relatives) out there got, with a stupid “Vacation” image and a hurried blog post. 10 days without my blogmate? How will I survive?

I guess now I can talk about all the taboo topics that Graham didn’t want me to talk about, such as:

Canadians are stupid.
Hockey is for hosers.
Brett Favre is the lamest football player ever, even if he never did those Wrangler commercials.
How Chuck remains on the air while My Name is Earl is cancelled is the first great mystery of the 21st century.
Jack Johnson is a genius.

I think that’s about all that Graham won’t let me talk about, oh yeah, and his kid. Whatever. I’m free to do what I want. 10 days is an eternity in the blog world, blogdom, blogosphere, blogmadeupwords, etc. Then again, I’ll be on vacation for almost the entire month of July, so I’ll reap what I sow, or whatever.

What I’m really here to discuss today is the awesomeness of the Friday work day. It’s a time to wear jeans, sit back, relax, and enjoy some videos. Here’s one from the vault.


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

This is why the Internet exists

It was two summers ago that ABC put a show called Traveler on the air.

My life would never be the same.

OK, that's an exaggeration. But dammit, I loved that show. For eight weeks that summer I tuned in faithfully. I counted the days and hours to the next episode. I was riveted.

And I was the only one.

The show, despite being ass-kickingly awesome, got horrible ratings, and ABC couldn't pull the plug fast enough. Almost as quickly as it came, it was gone. It was horribly unjust.

Here's why the show was awesome: three college roommates, best friends, decide after their senior year to take a cross-country road trip before having to get on with their real lives. The start in New York and decide to play a favorite prank: two of them will put on rollerblades and race through the crowded public museum. The third guy was to videotape it.

So the two guys race through the museum and get outside. They're looking for their buddy, who doesn't show. Where is he? What's going on? One guy's cell rings - it's the missing friend.

"Did you get out?" he asks.
"Yeah, why? Where are you?"
"I'm sorry I had to do this," he says.

Then...the museum explodes! OMFG! And the security cameras have the two guys fleeing the scene! The world thinks they're terrorists! Their buddy possibly set them up! He may (or may not) have died in the explosion! The FBI is after them! They have to run! Why were they framed? Who would do this to them? Check out this heart-pounding trailer!

I know, right? Epic!

Sadly, the show disappeared after eight episodes, and for two years I've been mourning it. I wish I was kidding.

Finally, I came across this page on YouTube, where someone has uploaded all eight episodes. This hero is doing the Lord's work. So if you need something to watch this summer, I highly recommend it.

Be warned though: you're going to get hooked. And when you've finished the eight episodes, you'll be heartbroken there were no more.


Friday, June 5, 2009

What does this say about me?

I would totally watch this show if they made it today with all of these actors way past their prime. Then again, Graham watches Chuck.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

RTS NBA Finals Preview

I had intended to write a pretty thorough NBA Finals preview. Then Bill Simmons chimed in today with his sprawling, epic preview, and pretty much covered everything I was going to say.

So instead, here are my quick thoughts going into the series:

-Shaq must be hating this. Either the Lakers win and Kobe cements his legacy as a champion without him, or Orlando wins and Dwight Howard wins a title while stealing his act in his town. It must be like choosing between herpes and gonorrhea, which, as an NBA player, he's likely had to do.

-Jameer Nelson says he's coming back but Rafer Alston has led them to the Finals. How many minutes does Nelson get? Will Alston pretend he's happy for him? Will they get into a fistfight on the bench?

-I was so sure that Orlando wouldn't make the Finals, that in my Drive to the Finals entry I've already used up Dwight Howard, Rashard Lewis, Hedo Turkoglu, Rafer Alston, Mickael Pietrus, Courtney Lee and JJ Redick. In case you're wondering, Redick got me a nice zero. On the plus side, I did save Tony Battie, so I still have a shot.

-How long can Michael Cera still play the awkward character? He's got less range than Darko Milicic.

-Why are people still making the Stan Van Gundy-Ron Jeremy comparison? Am I the only one sick of it? Those jokes were old 3 years ago.

-Speaking of old jokes, I was listening to a morning radio show yesterday, and the hosts got a call from someone named Luke. This led to 5 minutes of Luke Skywalker references. It was horrible. These guys are on the air, but there's no room for Adam Carolla? Life isn't fair sometimes.

-Staying on the topic of old jokes, a radio host on another station this afternoon mentioned he just discovered Patton Oswalt, and played portions of his KFC Famous Bowl routine. Welcome to 2006, champ.

-Getting back to basketball, Rashard Lewis has to be praying he seems Lamar Odom guarding him instead of Trevor Ariza. Ariza can wreak havoc with him on the perimeter, and Lewis doesn't have what it takes to counteract sustained challenges. But if Odom is guarding him, I can see them making one of those agreements two fat guys make in rec league basketball, where they agree to go easy on one another so as not to have to overexert themselves. And I've been that fat guy.

-I think Mickael Pietrus has the stones to give Kobe trouble. Not to say he's going to shut him down, but he's going to make him work his ass off. And really, that's all you can ask.

-Andrew Bynum is likely to pick up 3 fouls in 13 seconds on Dwight Howard, leaving Pau Gasol to deal with him. I'm a certified a-Pau-logist, think he got a bad rap in Memphis, and I consider him a legit All-Star.

That said, Dwight Howard will destroy him. Could we see extended DJ Mbenga minutes? It's certainly possible.

-This seems like a good time to mention that the starting point guards in the NBA Finals are Derek Fisher and Rafer Alston. Just sayin'.

-OK, prediction time. I actually think this is going to be a very close, interesting series, and ultimately coaching will play a big role. Stan Van Gundy is willing to abandon a game plan to make changes on the fly as necessary, where most NBA coaches will stick with their pre-game strategy regardless of what's happening because they want to prove how smart they are.

I like Stan Van Gundy, I love Dwight Howard, and I can deal with their three-point shooters.

Orlando in 7.