Tuesday, November 25, 2008

ESPN.com's Streaking Game

ESPN.com has a promotion called “Streak for the Cash.” If a person can correctly predict 25 straight sporting outcomes, they win $1 million. Most of the choices to pick from are the major sporting events of the day (baseball, basketball, football, hockey, soccer, etc.) with a few random things thrown in from time to time (Presidential election, MMA, which player will score more points, etc.).

Yesterday, one of the people had reached 24 straight correct predictions. One more correct prediction and he wins $1 million. He picked the Green Bay Packers to defeat the New Orleans Saints on Monday Night Football. Can you imagine having to sit around all day waiting for the game to start, knowing that you’re one victory away from being a millionaire? What special kind of torture is that? Did this guy go to work? Did he just sit at home and stare at his Packers prediction and debate changing it?

Last Christmas Eve I brought a certain lack of joy to our family gathering because my fantasy football stud Brandon Marshall was having a bad game and it was going to make me lose our Fantasy Football Championship, giving me the 2nd place winnings of $150 instead of $400. I was pissed and inconsolable over a difference of $250. I can’t imagine what I’d be doing when Aaron Rodgers was throwing interceptions last night and my $1 million was going down the drain.

I think ESPN.com should do a documentary on the next person to reach 24. I want them to follow the person around for the 24 hours leading up to his final prediction. I want cameras watching his every move during the game. Do you think he’d injure a cameraman midway through the game when his prediction was about to go up in flames? Would he even watch the game, or just go hide in a movie theater for a couple of hours? Is he watching by himself, or does he have a $1 million party with all his friends over? When exactly does that party end? Are friendships destroyed when he starts kicking his dog and punching his TV? Do you think last night’s loser is on his way to Aaron Rodgers house to kill him as we speak? I need to know these things. I need to know because I want to make sure I’m not the only lunatic out there.

Also, as a side note, Rocking the Suburbs might not be bringing the thunder as consistently over the next week or two. I’ll be in a turkey/football coma on Thursday and out of town after that. Also, Graham got a part-time job (as a male escort) so he’ll have to figure out how to prioritize the following: job, wife, child, Wii, watching sports, bathing, drinking, blogging. I think blogging will come before wife and child, but after Wii and drinking.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Rocking the Suburbs Upcoming Book Preview

Ever since Kramer came out with a coffee table book about coffee tables, I've had an idea of my own sitting in the back of my mind, right next to subconscious thoughts of Cheetos and my 7th birthday. When I saw the below book had come out, I knew it was time to unleash my own book idea.

Below is a pictorial preview of my upcoming book, "Homoerotic Sports."

This is before A-Rod met Madonna. I can't say he upgraded.

He dropped the soap.

I've missed your scent, Tim Duncan.

This is payback for Grossman raping Bears fans in the Super Bowl.

This isn't even homoerotic. It's just homo.

I think this pictures answers that question. Kapono is the S and Redick is the M.

Who said soccer didn't have enough scoring?

I can't say this one suprised me at all.

Now that's what I call man-to-man defense.

That's all for now. We'll have our second pictorial preview out before the book hits the shelves.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

From the Archives

I have a friend who just moved into a condo and is having trouble getting Comcast to install his cable. It reminded me of all the Comcast problems I had about a year ago. Below is what I wrote concerning Comcast last December.

I suppose I expect too much out of companies, and that’s why I get upset when my heightened expectations aren’t realized. Maybe my dealings with Comcast aren’t their fault, like I think they are. It’s my fault, for expecting them to provide unreal services that are too difficult to meet, such as:
• providing the service that I requested and am willing to pay for,
• having common sense trump bureaucratic policies,
• putting the customer first, or at the very least,
• making sure that they retain the customer so that they can make money.

Let me tell you about my dealings with Comcast over the past few weeks.

I’m in the process of moving, and was aware that it usually took about a week or two between when you ordered cable service and when it could be installed. Being a devout TV user, I called Comcast roughly two weeks ago and order both their cable TV service and high-speed Internet so that it could be installed as close to my move in date of December 15. While on the phone with the Comcast rep, who we’ll call “Clueless,” I told them I would need one High Definition Digital Video Recorder (HD-DVR) for the house. “Clueless” quotes me the prices, I write them down, we scheduled a time for the installation, and everything seemed to be on the up and up. With Comcast, things are obviously not what they seem.

Comcast appeared to want my business, and wanted me to be at home waiting on them, as they called me Saturday night to confirm that someone would be home for the installation on Monday. They also called twice on Monday, double and triple checking to make sure someone would be at home. I told them that someone would be there.

The Comcast installation guy, who I’ll call “No Help,” arrived at my house and my girlfriend answered the door. I was in the midst of washing wood finishing off my hands thanks to my girlfriend making me move a table that was still drying. Thanks! While washing my hands, I hear my girlfriend call me and say, “Chris, you deal with this. I can’t handle Comcast!” (She already had a previous bad experience with Comcast. By bad experience, I mean making 50+ phone calls over a 3 month span trying to get $150 back that was owed to her.)

I go and meet with “No Help” and ask what the dilemma is. He tells me that there were no more HD-DVRs in the warehouse. I ask him what he brought, and he tells me that he brought neither an HD-DVR nor a DVR, but merely a regular cable box. This simply would not do! TV without DVR isn’t TV, it’s the stone age as far as I’m concerned. He might as well have brought a stone tablet with some hieroglyphics (yes, I had to spell check that) for all I cared.

Me being the quick thinker, I told “No Help” not to worry, I had a solution. My brother recently moved and wanted me to turn in his HD-DVR for him when the Comcast rep (“No Help”) came to my house. I told “No Help” that, although inept, not all was lost. I told him to simply hook my brother’s HD-DVR to my TV and all would be forgiven. Problem solved, crisis averted, sweet precious cable would soon be flowing through my new house and all the starving kids in India would be fed. Did I mention that I was dealing with Comcast?

“No Help” informs me that he can’t hook up my brother’s HD-DVR to my TV because my brother’s account is still active. I quickly dial up my kin and tell him to cancel his Comcast account. He informs me that he tried to cancel in the a.m., and they told him that he had to turn in his HD-DVR in order to cancel the account. Not wanting to bother the good man at work, I asked for my brother’s social security number and decided to call Comcast on his behalf. I called Comcast, explained that I wanted to cancel the account and turn the HD-DVR into “No Help”, and then “No Help” would hook the HD-DVR up to the TV. The lady on the phone, who we’ll call “Stupid Face,” told me that the only way to cancel the account would be to turn the box into a Comcast store. I said to “Stupid Face,” “So I have to go and turn this HD-DVR into Comcast, and then they’ll simply hand it right back to me and I can then have it hooked up to my TV.” “Stupid Face” replied, “well, they won’t give you the same HD-DVR.” I asked her how they would be able to give me another HD-DVR when “No Help” said they were all out. “Stupid Face” informed me that she was unaware that they were out of HD-DVRs, that they must not have been told yet. Shocking!

So I put “Stupid Face” and all of Comcast to the test. The goal of any company is to make money. Sure, everyone likes to think that the customer is king and all that BS, but the goal is, and will always be, to make money. Since I, the customer, am the one giving Comcast, the devil, money, then they should accommodate me. I tell “Stupid Face” that she can either figure out a way to have the box that is SITTING IN MY LIVING ROOM attached to my TV for HD-DVR goodness, or she can cancel all of the services I’ve ordered and lose me as a customer forever. She said there was nothing she could do. I don’t know why I thought “Stupid Face” could accommodate and I hung up the phone.

I told “No Help” to cancel everything. He looked a bit scared after witnessing all of the drama, and of hearing of my girlfriend’s desire to blow up every Comcast location. I promptly drove to the Comcast location in Germantown, since I knew the one in East Memphis would be overflowing with customers and short on workers, and turned in my brother’s HD-DVR.

I’ve since ordered high-speed Internet through Bell South and have Direct TV coming on Saturday. Everyone I’ve talked to has had problems with Comcast and yet they continue to thrive in this market. Ultimately, the consumer has to decide to make the extra effort to get what is fair. Most people “settle” for Comcast and their sub par service because they assume that it’s easy to get everything in one package and because it’s the standard, or they had service with Time Warner and have continued to use Comcast because it’s already installed. While my revolution might not be on the same level as George Washington, I’ve taken my stand against Comcast and urge the dissatisfied Comcast customers out there to do the same.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Real Men of Genius

I’ve got a person to nominate for the Bud Light Real Men of Genius.

Here’s to you Coach Calling Timeouts When Your Team is Down Three Touchdowns Late In the 4th Quarter. Most coaches would just throw in the towel, admitting your team stinks and it’s time to hit the showers. But not you Coach, you’re in this for the long haul. It doesn’t matter that your team had gotten the shit kicked out them for last three hours. It’s time to make these last two minutes count.

Specifically, this goes to St. Louis Rams head coach Jim Haslett for almost giving me an aneurism yesterday afternoon. For the 2nd straight week, my fantasy football team was in a nail-biting affair. I was winning by 3 points and my opponent only had Donnie Avery of St. Louis left. The Rams throw a touchdown with 1:56 left in the game to make the score 35-16. You’d think that Haslett would simply kick off, let the 49ers run out the clock and everyone goes home.

Not good ole’ Jim, he uses all three of his timeouts just so his team can get the ball back with 1:38 left. What’s the f’ing point Jim? Do you have a secret 20-point passing play that will win you the game? For the next 1:38 I have to pray to the fantasy football gods that Donnie Avery doesn’t have 1 catch for 7 yards or else I’m toast. It was unbearable. Then, when Avery catches the ball 30 seconds left I know I’m screwed if not for some random 49er tackling him for no gain. I won my game by 3 points, no thanks to Jim.

Then again, my fantasy football team has been suffering ever since Steven Jackson was injured in the 4th quarter of a blowout win over Dallas because Haslett was too stupid to take out his star player to avoid him getting injured. My only theory is that Haslett doesn’t know how to read a scoreboard. To think he knows the score and does these moronic things is too much for me to handle.

Also, as a side note, congrats to Graham for losing his fantasy basketball matchup last week. Sorry I had to take your team down. I was cheering for John Salmons to save the day.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

What Sucks Worse: The AFI or Lord of the Rings?

The American Film Institute updated their 100 Greatest Movies in 2007 without much fanfare. I say there wasn’t much fanfare simply because I didn’t hear about it.

I’ve got a bone to pick with this list. Actually, I could probably rant about 75 different things but I’m going to stick to the 5 major travesties that have occurred.

1. Where the hell is Cool Hand Luke? Seriously, this isn’t one of the 100 greatest films of all time? Snow White is ranked 34 and Cool Hand Luke isn’t even ranked. It’s not even the 100th best movie of all-time? It can’t even crack that number? I’d put it in the top 10. Then again, I’d have to sacrifice by moving Lawrence of Arabia. I think I’ll live.

2. The Lord of the Rings is ranked. The Lord of the Rings? I’d love to rant about how terrible this movie is and the fact that it shouldn’t even make the list of the Top 5 million movies ever made, but why repeat what’s already been said? Watch the first two minutes of this clip for the definitive Lord of the Rings summary. Also, Graham finally gets to watch two minutes of Clerks 2 even though he’s already slammed it.

3. The Shawshank Redemption is ranked 72. It wasn’t even ranked at all when the list originally came out. Shawshank should also be in the top 10. I’d put it number 1. Here’s a list of some of the movies that are ranked better than Shawshank: Nashville (unwatchable), Rocky (Adrianne!), Lord of the Rings (see above), E.T., and Star Wars. Anyone that says Lord of the Rings is better than Shawshank Redepemption should be shot. It’s that simple. I can’t even talk. And Graham hasn’t even seen Shawshank. WTF?

4. Where the hell is The Sting? No Cool Hand Luke and no The Sting? Do these guys just hate Paul Newman or something? Did he sleep with all of the voters’ wives and husbands? Do they hate his non-profit salad dressing? Do they know what good movies are? Titanic and Toy Story are better movies than this? What crack are these people smoking? I’d rather be stuck on the Titanic while it’s going down than watch that movie again.

5. Eighteen of the Top 50 movies were made before 1950. Other than movies and books, name another genre that praises the outdated more than the current. Oh wait, religion. I get it with books because timeless stories exist and the first person to write it goes down in history. I understand that movies like to view themselves the same way, but they aren’t. The technology used to make some of the great films just didn’t exist a long time ago. Now, I don’t want to pull a Graham here and badmouth movies that I’ve never seen, but I just can’t imagine that a movie made in 1916 is one of the greatest of all time. I just don’t see it. Maybe I should go rent Intolerance and give it a chance. Then again, the same people that ranked this movie 49th also made the above four mistakes, so why bother?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Blue Collar Fighter

As all of our readers (family members) know, I'm not a big fan of the Kid Rock song "Warrior" used by the National Guard. I saw this gem of a video last week prior to watching the delighful Zack and Miri.

Instead of breaking this video down like I did with "Warrior," I decided to become a songwriter instead. If the National Guard can use Kid Rock and 3 Doors Down for their videos, I think this song is right up their alley. If anyone out there has musical talents, I'm willing to sing lead on this song when we decide to lay it down. Without further ado, Rocking the Suburbs presents to you, "Blue Collar Fighter."

Blue Collar Fighter

They call on me to save the world from time to time
I do my duty proudly crossing enemy lines
When it’s all over I go back to work at the mill
Spend time with my wife, drink a beer and just chill

I’m a blue collar fighter, husband, provider
I watch the game on Sundays, kill insurgents on Mondays
Don’t ever mess with my family or nation
Cause I’ll be bringing the pain sensation

My boys and me are just regular guys
Who punch the clock and work the ole’ 9-5
But when Uncle Sam has a war to fight
We don’t bother asking whether it’s wrong or right

I’m a blue collar fighter, husband, provider
I watch the game on Sundays, kill insurgents on Mondays
Don’t ever mess with my family or nation
Cause I’ll be bringing the pain sensation

My DNA was installed with the Patriotic gene
Along with Skynnard, NASCAR and Jim Beam
If you don’t agree with me then it’s time you go
Back to Canada with all the draft-dodging hoes

I’m a blue collar fighter, husband, provider
I watch the game on Sundays, kill insurgents on Mondays
Don’t ever mess with my family or nation
Cause I’ll be bringing the pain sensation

Monday, November 10, 2008

The verdict is in: Kevin Smith sucks*

On Saturday my wife asked if I was going to accompany her and my son for some Christmas shopping. I said no, and went to a movie by myself. Cause that's just how I roll.

I decided I needed a laugh, and figured Zack and Miri Make a Porno would turn the trick. Get it? Turn the trick...porn...hello, this thing on?

-crickets chirping-

Anyway, my brief summary of the movie: on the plus side, it wasn't awful. In fact, I was actually engaged with it for the most part. On the down side, it just wasn't terribly funny.

Kevin Smith did do one thing right: hired three very likable actors for the lead roles: Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks and Craig Robinson, who kept the movie from going completely down the toilet. And there was nudity, so make that two things right. But that's about it.

Sitting there, cursing the loss of a much-needed eleven dollars, I began to ponder the question: is Kevin Smith still living off his rep from Clerks, and does he actually just suck as a writer/director?

I went to his imdb page and scanned his director's credits: obviously Clerks is beloved and shot him into the stratosphere. But then it gets iffy. Mallrats wasn't very good, but he bounced back with Chasing Amy. I didn't care much for Dogma, and have only seen half of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. It was amusing, but not great. Jersey Girl was terrible, and I didn't see Clerks 2, but don't remember it getting very good reviews. That's a pretty spotty record.

Yet for some reason, until now every time I heard Kevin Smith had a new movie coming out, I was intrigued and actively sought out the trailer online.

It always seems like I'm waiting for the risk-taking, manic energy in his movies that made Clerks what it was, but always come away disappointed.

The reason, I realize now, is simple: Clerks got a pass. When you judge Clerks, expectations are lower: they shot it on a shoestring budget and nobody knew what they were doing. And instead of being terrible, it was actually pretty good. But since "actually pretty good" was about 1000 times better than what most people expected of that movie, it got confused with actually being a great movie, when it's really not.

But now that Smith gets a decent budget and can land actors with name recognition, the bar is raised. Sadly, the quality hasn't gone up with it. Really, he peaked with Clerks and the lowered expectations, and just can't recapture that buzz.

Of course, luckily for Smith he's still going at a time when comedy in movies is on life support- if not for Judd Apatow, where would the genre be right now? Jim Carrey went off the deep end and has never made it back. Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell have made enough bad decisions between them to stall their careers.

The decline in the quality of comedy has gone down, but people still want to laugh. People will always want to laugh. So because of that, Kevin Smith will continue to make mediocre movies. I, however, won't be there for them.


*This is not endorsed by Chris, whatsoever.

Friday, November 7, 2008

The Either/Or Campaign

The Grizzlies are a mere 5 games into the season and possess a 2-3 record. The young team has surprised just about everyone with their strong defensive play and their ability to stay competitive and scrappy, even on the road.

However, there’s one item I’d like to see change. I stayed up late Wednesday night to watch the valiant Grizzlies fourth quarter comeback against the Kings but couldn’t help being frustrated watching the end the 3rd quarter. At the 7:35 mark of the 3rd quarter, Greg Buckner entered the game and joined Quinton Ross. For the rest of the quarter, as both defensive specialists were in the game, the Grizzlies shot a combined 4-12 from the floor and were outscored by 4 points. While being outscored by 4 points over the course of 7 minutes isn’t unheard of, it could prove to be the difference in the game. If the Grizz had outscored the Kings by 4 in this stretch of time, they would’ve entered the 4th quarter down a mere 5 points instead of 13. Now I know there’s a lot of ifs in the game of basketball and you can’t pinpoint the loss on one thing like this. However, the young Grizzlies margin for error on the road is especially small and any advantage that can be gained needs to be capitalized on.

For this reason, I’m starting the either/or campaign. The either/or campaign is quite simple. Play either Quinton Ross or Greg Buckner, but please, for the sake of offense, don’t play them at the same time. I have nothing against either player and fully understand the need for a defensive specialist to be in the game especially when a player like Kevin Martin is torching your starters. I just can’t see the need to have two defensive specialists in at the same time. I understand that both Rudy Gay and O.J. Mayo were in foul trouble and needed to sit for most of the 3rd quarter. However, in situations like this, I think that either Marko Jaric or Javaris Crittenton should be the compliment to Ross rather than Buckner. Jaric is a better long distance shooter and Crittenton is a better slasher. Buckner and Ross combined to shoot 2-8 on Wednesday. For the season, they’re both shooting under 30%. Given the Grizzlies early season offensive struggles, it might be time to choose one either/or.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Remembering the Circus

I wish I had something profound to say about last night's election, but that isn't my thing. I deal mostly in anger and sarcasm. I'm just glad America got it right.

But in the midst of the election I almost didn't notice an intriguing NBA matchup tonight: Charlotte at New York. It marks Larry Brown's return to MSG for the first time since being dumped less than a year after signing a $40 million deal to coach the Knicks. In that one year the team tanked, and he feuded publicly with Stephon Marbury and Isiah Thomas.

The 2005-06 Knicks might have been my favorite NBA team in recent memory. Every day I'd come into work and check the New York Post's web site for that day's Knicks-trionics, and I was never disappointed. Brown bitching about Marbury. Marbury bitching about Brown. Brown bitching about Isiah. Isiah bitching about Brown. Marbury and Isiah standing strong to the bitter end.

Brown eventually got the boot, but the reality is he came out on top. Yeah, his reputation took a hit, but he got a nice buyout, a couple years off, and is back as a head coach again, even if it is with the Bobcats.

As shocking as the public hatred between all of them was, even after Brown left things somehow got even more bizarre.

James Dolan made Isiah the coach and announced during a live television interview that he was already on the hot seat, which judging by Isiah's facial expression was the first he'd heard of it.

Then Marbury went on live television, and gave a bizarre interview where it was thought he was drunk or high, took a phone call, and may have referred to his wife as a ho.

Amazingly, that wasn't even the worst part of their summer. Isiah and Marbury were sued for sexual harrassment by a former team executive, with the best part being her claim that Marbury pressured a team intern to sleep with him. The intern took the stand and said the sex took place in was consensual, and came after he asked her if she was getting in his truck (Not known is if Marbury called Kobe Bryant to get the name of his jeweler).

Things bombed on the court, and now both men are in shambles. Marbury is a healthy scratch every night, while Thomas got kicked to an invisible position in the front office, and may have attempted suicide and pinned it on his daughter (stay classy, Isiah).

It's hard to believe that Larry Brown, who is being asked to win NBA games with Adam Morrison and Sean May on his roster, is in the best shape of the three.

The sad thing is, we'll never see a team like that again.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

They Call Me Moron

It’s time for me to vent. And no, I don’t mean vent like the Coors Light commercial suggests. I’m at work so this venting doesn’t involve beer, sadly.

I could spend an eternity discussing how the downfall of society occurred when movie theaters decided to hire Screenvision and Bradford How. However, I don’t have an eternity, I have 45 minutes till my lunch break.

Today I have to rant about the worst possible advertisement/music video I’ve ever seen. It pains me when I have to sit through this in the 5 minutes leading up to the start of my movie. I’m talking about the Kid Rock video/National Guard advertisement that you can see below. (WARNING: You can’t unhear this song.)

Now it’s time to discuss.

My favorite concept of this video is that somehow Kid Rock, Dale Earnhardt Jr., the National Guard and firefighters all have something in common. It’s like a Nike commercial putting Michael Jordan, Gatorade and sweat shops together for their latest ad campaign.

I’m also a big fan of Kid Rock’s patriotic lyrics. And by patriotic, I mean, if you don’t support war, violence and bloodshed, then you’re un-American.

“So don’t tell me who's wrong and right when liberty starts slipping away and if you ain’t gonna fight get out of the way,” Kid Rock says.

I don’t think Kid Rock wants anyone to tell him who’s wrong and right, ever. I’m guessing he’d end up on the wrong side every time. And if I had to pinpoint when America’s “liberty starting slipping away,” I’d put money on the day the Patriot Act was signed. I don't think this is what Kid is talking about however. And yeah, I’m not going to fight. I’m not in the way either. I’m glad we got that settled.

Kid goes on to say, “I'm givin' all of myself cuz that’s what I do.” What the hell has Kid Rock given? He shot a music video for the National Guard? Way to go! Why don’t you volunteer and head over to Iraq? Don’t worry, I’m not going to get in your way. I think that might be giving a little bit more of yourself, but that’s just me.

My favorite part of the video occurs at the 1:30 mark. Here comes the big, bad National Guard cruising the streets of whatever foreign country we’ve decided to invade and a small child happens to run into the street to get his soccer ball. The two guys in the military look at each other and nod their head. These guys know how to handle this situation. It’s time to take off the sunglasses, get down from the armed car, walk over to the soccer ball with gun in hand and kick it back to the kids. Cause that’s what the National Guard does! Too bad they didn’t hand the kid a Big Mac. He’d be an American supporter for life if they had done that! Sarcasm! Loud noises!

Then the video cuts to some National Guardsmen helping out firefighters for about 15 seconds. That was all the time they had for this scene because they had to get to the Dale Earnhardt Jr. race. Because we all know how Dale Earnhardt Jr. winning a NASCAR race is another National Guard principle.

Don’t forget, you can download this song for free here.

Monday, November 3, 2008

RTS to Denver Nuggets: You're idiots

From my Eastern Conference preview a week ago, about the Detroit Pistons:

"So the Pistons lose in the Eastern Finals (again) and Joe Dumars promises big changes. And he does nothing, even though teams would line up for Rasheed Wallace's expiring contract...

...He could easily flip Wallace for a few decent players, add them to the Billups-Hamilton-Prince trio while working in promising youngsters like Rodney Stuckey, Amir Johnson and Jason Maxiell. The Pistons would still have a competitive team, while managing to build for the future at the same time. Instead, he's sticking with the same lineup, one that won't beat Boston, and may not beat Cleveland.

As a Pistons fan, it must be so frustrating. Yeah, you got the one title, but you were a few smart moves away from being a dynasty. Now the team is treading water with the status quo while other teams in the conference catch up fast. It's all going to fall apart soon there."

Hey Joe, uh, my bad.

I always thought Joe Dumars got a little too much credit. He completely blew the 2003 draft, and never did enough to turn his team in a potential dynasty.

But trading for Iverson today is an outstanding move. It works on two fronts: it shakes up a core that was in desperate need of a shakeup. Best case scenario is Iverson is the change they needed to make another title run. Worst case is it flops, the Pistons build around Rip Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince, Rodney Stuckey, Jason Maxiell and around $36 million when Iverson and Rasheed Wallace's contracts come off the books at the end of the season.

But what really needs to be mentioned here is Denver. If I was a Nuggets season ticket holder, I'd be sending my kid's dirty diapers to their front office.

First they give away Camby in the offseason to save on the luxury tax, a move I could understand. I figured the thinking went like this: the Camby, Carmelo and Iverson core had taken that team as far as it had gone, which was first round playoff exits. So you give away Camby to avoid the tax, let Iverson's contract run out, and start again around Carmelo, or trade him for prospects. It was painful, but I could see a point.

But how does any of this make sense? Iverson was all set to come off the books at the end of the season, and they take on Antonio McDyess, who will be owed almost $7 million next season, and Chauncey Billups, who has three years and almost $40 million left on his deal. Congrats, Denver, you'll have a 35 year-old point guard making $14 million in three years. Ask Dallas how that's working out with Jason Kidd.

Even in the short term, how does this make Denver better? They weren't even close to the Lakers, New Orleans, Utah, Houston or any of the other Western contenders before the trade, and Billups and McDyess sure as hell don't change that.

So they blew whatever financial flexibility they had with the Camby trade on Chauncey Billups. It's mind-bogglingly dumb. Not only do they have less of a future than Francis Bean Cobain, but their short-term is still worse. Frankly, I'd rather take one more run with Camby, Carmelo and Iverson than Carmelo, Billups and McDyess.

The Nuggets managed the rare feat of making themselves worse in both the long and short term. No easy feat.