Friday, September 18, 2009

NFL Week 2 Preview (Part 2)

In case you missed part I, you can read it here.

Seattle Seahawks (+1.5) at San Francisco 49ers

Chris: The winner of this game has the inside track on the division. They should be 2 games up on Arizona and St. Louis and a game up on their loser of this game. I don’t know what to make of either of these teams. Seattle looked good but they always do at home and they were playing the Rams. Meanwhile, San Fran didn’t win so much as Arizona lost. Ugh…Seattle.

Graham: Uh, do people not remember that the 49ers suck? Seriously. Shaun Hill is their quarterback. Frank Gore had something like 30 yards on 20 carries last week (I’m too lazy to look up the exact figure). Yes, they beat the defending NFC champs, but still. They suck. Seattle.

Tampa Bay Bucs (+4.5) at Buffalo Bills

Chris: Who in the hell would watch this game? There are maybe, MAYBE, three relevant fantasy players in this game. There is no storyline. Neither team is interesting. They might as well simulate this game on Madden and save everyone some time. I’ll take the Bucs and the points.

Graham: When I wrote the preview for the Oakland-Kansas City game, I used the “Who would ever watch this game” meme, not having read through Chris’ preview and seeing this. Since that got posted yesterday, this writeup from Chris is obsolete. Does that count as a pwn? I’m not cool enough to know. Anyway, a pick…Buffalo.

Chris: Considering I wrote everything before you did anything, then no, you didn’t “pwn” me.

Pittsburgh Steelers (-2.5) at Chicago Bears

Chris: I love the fact that Jay Cutler is 3,275 times better than Kyle Orton but thanks to one of the flukiest plays in recent history, Orton got a win last week while Cutler wet himself repeatedly in his Bears debut. I think Cutler plays a lot better but the Bears still lose by a field goal.

Graham: In the first half against Green Bay last week, Cutler and his receivers were more out of synch than Kanye West and Taylor Swift (oh, snap!). It was a joy to watch. Sure, he was a lot better in the second half, but even without Troy Polamalu, I have to believe Pittsburgh’s defense isn’t exactly the antidote to Chicago’s offensive problems. Steelers get the call.

Cleveland Browns (+3.5) at Denver Broncos

Chris: Did the NFL just decide to pit every crappy team against each other this week? Seriously, Browns-Broncos? I’d rather learn how to perform a circumcision than watch this game. Speaking of circumcision, is that one of the top 5 scariest words to type into google images? Name some more for more please. Oh yeah, I’ll take the Broncos.

Graham: You did it, didn’t you, Chris? You typed circumcision into Google Image just to see what would happen. I know you did. Admit it! Denver’s the pick.

Baltimore Ravens (+4.5) at San Diego Chargers

Chris: Ray Lewis is the scariest guy in the NFL. He’s been the scariest guy in the NFL for the last 12 years or so. How does that happen? Charles Oakley was the same way in the NBA for the duration of the ‘90s. I’m ready for a new scary NFL player. I’ll take the Ravens.

Graham: You want a new scary player? Try Jonathan Stewart as a starting RB in fantasy. That, my friend, is scary. Anyway, I’m going with Baltimore.

New York Giants (+2.5) at Dallas Cowboys

Chris: I hate how I’m supposed to care about this game. I still think the NFC East is boring. I’ll take the Cowboys. They’re trying to stick it to TO.

Graham: I was just saying last week how boring the NFC East is- thief! You’re the Mentalist to my Psych! I’m taking Dallas.

Indianapolis Colts (-3.5) at Miami Dolphins

Chris: Every year there’s one team that shocks you and wins a bunch of games thanks to a slight upgrade and a terrible schedule. That was the Dolphins last year. This year, they didn’t upgrade and they don’t have the terrible schedule. I predicted they’d be 8-8 but I’m thinking 6-10 is probably more accurate. The Colts win this by 2 TDs. Suck.

Graham: Hey, so how’s that Wildcat offense working out for you, Miami? Indy.

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