Wednesday, August 26, 2009

My new basketball defenseive strategy

Playing pickup basketball gives me NBA theories sometimes. Today, I thought about how if someone lets out a dastardly fart in the paint that lingers, people usually laugh and stay away. The team with the ball usually shoots jumpers until the smell subsides.

Thus, the smelly fart in the paint can be a legitimate defense, although no one really gives it the proper credit. However, if NBA teams ever tried to use this defensive strategy, here’s the players I think that would be able to execute the fart defense the best.

Without further ado, my all-fart defensive team.

Eddy Curry

Sometimes, size does matter. I mean, Curry just has too much to work with in this area. That’s the first time anyone has ever written a sentence with the word Curry and work in it.

Power Forward
Kevin Love

Love looks like the humorous farter, the guy that would rip one as loud as possible, immediately start laughing while everyone put their shirt over their mouth, and then tweet, “just let a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich fart in the paint. could be aftershocks on the next possession.”

Small Forward
Matt Harping

Harpring looks like the mean jock that would hold underclassmen down and fart on their face in gym class. Not that this ever happened to me. Let’s move on.

Shooting Guard
Nate Robinson

Sometimes the worst farts are the ones that you don’t hear. Nate looks like he’s the type of guy that would sneak into the paint, rip one right next to Tim Duncan and then run off before anyone is the wiser. I like to think Nate would be proud to be accused of this, as well. Plus, he could use the moniker “Nasty Nate.”

Point Guard
Baron Davis

A shoot-first point guard with no conscience for teammates. He probably hides some cheese in his monster beard and eats some each time on defense. Then again, I’m not sure Baron Davis would even play fart defense. It might be too much effort. He might fart in the paint on offense just so he could secure a few more shots.



Chris W. said...

I have long been a proponent of the fart defense. Thanks RTS, for bringing such a key component out into the open.

Chris said...

I had to let it rip.