Monday, March 8, 2010
Okay, I don't know why I was thinking about this, but here's the premise.
Tomorrow, you are going to wake up and assume the role of the main character of a movie. Whatever happens to this character, it will happen to you. However the movie ends is how it will end for you. Now, you can pick 1 movie to veto. Other than that, everything is in play. What movie do you veto? Conversely, if you could pick the ideal movie to happen to you, what movie would you pick. The only rules are that the movie has to be released at the theater (no b-movies, no obscure direct to DVD movies, no porn), and if a movie has sequels, all of those things would happen to you as well. Obviously, most of the bad movie picks would revolve around horror plots, so I picked 1 movie from each of the following categories: horror, comedy, drama, action and misc. movies. Here's what I came up with.
Movies I would veto
Horror - Hostel
I'm pretty sure the main character lives but goes through a ton of shit to get out alive. I think any horror movie is really fair game.
Drama - American History X
I'm not sure if this is action or drama. I suppose it's drama. Pretty much any movie that involves me getting raped is high on the list of veto. I think this scenario is worse than Shawshank Redemption because the rape was probably more brutal, you have a huge Nazi tattoo on your chest for life, I would have to curb someone at some point and I don't make a lifetime bromance with a old wise dude named Red.
Action - Saving Private Ryan
Tomorrow, I'm jumping out of a death boat and watching tons of my countrymen die. I survive for about 3 more weeks before getting shot just to save Matt Damon.
Comedy - Raising Arizona
I'm a career criminal who kidnaps a baby thanks to my crazy wife's barren needs. I live in a trailer. My best friends just busted out of jail and want to crash with me. Oh yeah, and I get my ass kicked by this huge, scary son of a bitch.
Misc - Seven
I'm going to investigate a bunch of brutal, gruesome muders, have my prego wife's head get chopped off and then I'm going to jail for murder. Good times! I put this as misc. cause I wasn't sure if it was drama, horror or action.
Horror - Uh, none.
What about something like Zombieland? Is that a horror movie? Can I just wake up and hang out with Woody Harrelson and kill zombies?
Drama - The Karate Kid
I get to go back to high school, learn how to kick ass, play putt putt with Elizabeth Shue and have a montage made to "You're the Best." Oh yeah, and isn't he from Jersey, so I could hit up the Jersey Shore whenever I visited family.
Action - Fast and Furious
Anyone that says they don't want to be Paul Walker is lieing.
Comedy - Animal House
That one is too easy. I suppose Anchorman or Old School would be in the mix. Beerfest and Super Troopers were in play, but since there isn't a true main character, I assume I'd randomly be one of the guys and could end up as the man whore or Favra and that wouldn't be cool.
Misc - Back to the Future
I get to go to the past, to the future and to the Old West. The only other movie that could possibly be in the mix would be Star Wars simply for the use of the force and light saber. But I'd have to get my hand chopped off.