Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The L-ster Club

Saying that a previous post about Latrell Sprewell was the most popular RTS post of all-time is akin to saying that “Your Love” is the best song by The Outfield. It's not like there were a lot of nominees. Any post that receive 1 comment is gold in our book, so when the Sprewell post got 14 comments (including some spam!), well, I had to go back to the well again. (You try to use “well” twice in a sentence, it’s not that easy.)

I went through my vault of dorky childhood things and pulled out another gem. It’s a letter and fan club application to Larry Johnson’s fan club. You can click on the pictures for larger images.

Let’s discuss the below letter first.

I love the fact that “great news” is bold, underlined, in all CAPS and has an exclamation point. I’m going to do this on my work emails from now on. Anything that’s important can’t simply be bolded or underlined. I’m taking it a step further. Let’s try it out. “I’m out on VACATION! this week but will respond to ALL EMAILS WHEN I RETURN!.” That isn’t going to get old, AT ALL!. Also, I think the guy typing out this letter forgot to underline “FREE”. He probably got fired.

Next, Larry Johnson tries to get me to pimp out his fan club to all my friends. Shame on you Larry. You shouldn’t even need my help since you already said you get “enormous amounts of mail.”

For Larry’s closing, he wishes me “Peace and God Bless.” That can’t hold a candle to Latrell’s “Yours in Basketball.”

Now, let’s discuss the fan club flyer.

Who thought up the brilliant name, “L-ster Club.” It sounds like a weekly meeting for pedophiles. I keep looking at it and thinking lester club, as in molester. Did he not go by “LJ” or “Grandmama” yet?

Next, the bottom of the order form is torn off so I’m sure I joined the free club. I’m distraught that I don’t have the membership card still. Think of the access that bad boy would've given me. I'm at All-Star weekend, trying to get in the club, waiting in line and flash the "L-ster Club" membership card. It would be just that easy.

I’m even more pissed that I didn’t join the MVP version for $18 and get a “L-ster t-shirt.” I would wear that thing everywhere. There's no sense dwelling on the missed opportunity now. I suppose we all have regrets from the past, just like Larry probably regrets forming “The L-ster Club.”



Gary said...

it would be worth it to send in the $18 now and see what happens. I am sure they still have plenty of t-shirts.

Anonymous said...

I sent a "get-well-card" to New England Patriot WR Darryl Stingley shortly after he was paralyzed.

In addition to my well wishes, I wondered if he could send me some Patriots gear-- maybe a jersey, some wristbands, stickers, team calendar, etc.

I never heard back.

In hindsight not my proudest moment, but then again I was 7.


Chris said...

RE: Stark

That's the most fantastic story I've heard. I thought mocking Brian Scalabrine was fun but this takes it too a whole new level.

I'm going to start mailing down and out stars with weird requests. First up, asking Ben Roethlisberger to sign a pair of girls panties.

Gary said...

@ chris:
be warned, if you send "Big" Ben a pair of girls panties, odds are he'll show up at your house and buy you shots, and, well, you don't want to go down that road...

Chris said...


Are you sure I don't want to go down that road? Oh wait, yes, I am sure I don't want that.

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