Thursday, April 30, 2009

What's going on in my brain

The past two days on the way to work, I’ve driven past the same homeless man drinking a 24-ounce beer in a brown paper sack. A few questions:

Considering it was 7:45 a.m., was this his breakfast, or had he been up all night?

Does he consider going to the store and buying a beer his morning routine? Is this the homeless person’s version of brushing their teeth?

What is the earliest time you can drink a beer without it being a problem? If you drink before 5 p.m. on a weekday, that’s not a good sign. If you drink beer before noon and you’re not on vacation or tailgating, you’ve got a problem.

While we’re on the subject of what time is too early for a beer, Back Yard Burger is giving away free burgers on May 1st starting at 9 a.m. I like burgers more than most people, but 9 a.m., really? I think I’m more disgusted by the thought of a burger at 9 a.m. than I am a beer at 7:45 a.m. I wonder if the homeless guy will save his morning beer till 9 a.m. tomorrow so he can get walk down the street to the nearby Back Yard Burger and have a beer and burger, you know, like a normal Friday at 9.

At work yesterday, I saw a plate-shaped tuperware in the men’s bathroom. I didn’t think much of it. Today, I saw the same tuperware in the same spot. First off, who takes their lunch container into the bathroom? I figure the person took it in there to wash it out, but we have a kitchen sink to do this. Second, what’s the time limit on tuperware in the men’s room? Obviously, it’s over 24 hours before someone claims it or it gets thrown away. I would’ve figured it would’ve been 20 minutes, personally. Now I know.

I was in the local bookstore and was checking out the “Staff Picks.” Someone recommended Synecdoche, NY and said it was “the most daring and thought provoking film of 2008” and that the film “touches on every facet of human existence…”

The only daring thing about the movie was how dare the director pass that crap off as entertainment. How dare he charge people money to watch that? How dare someone recommend this movie? If I watched that movie based on someone’s recommendation, I’d give them the Kendrick Perkins scowl, which is the Medusa of the 21st century.

The only thought that Synecdoche, NY provoked in my mind was “would I rather watch another minute of this movie or have my eyeballs removed by a lion?”

And seriously, “touches on every facet of human existence.” Can any movie do that? How many facets of human existence are there? 1,000? 100,000? A billion?

Instead of Synecdoche, NY getting a recommendation, I give you this:


No comments: