Thursday, November 13, 2008

What Sucks Worse: The AFI or Lord of the Rings?

The American Film Institute updated their 100 Greatest Movies in 2007 without much fanfare. I say there wasn’t much fanfare simply because I didn’t hear about it.

I’ve got a bone to pick with this list. Actually, I could probably rant about 75 different things but I’m going to stick to the 5 major travesties that have occurred.

1. Where the hell is Cool Hand Luke? Seriously, this isn’t one of the 100 greatest films of all time? Snow White is ranked 34 and Cool Hand Luke isn’t even ranked. It’s not even the 100th best movie of all-time? It can’t even crack that number? I’d put it in the top 10. Then again, I’d have to sacrifice by moving Lawrence of Arabia. I think I’ll live.

2. The Lord of the Rings is ranked. The Lord of the Rings? I’d love to rant about how terrible this movie is and the fact that it shouldn’t even make the list of the Top 5 million movies ever made, but why repeat what’s already been said? Watch the first two minutes of this clip for the definitive Lord of the Rings summary. Also, Graham finally gets to watch two minutes of Clerks 2 even though he’s already slammed it.




3. The Shawshank Redemption is ranked 72. It wasn’t even ranked at all when the list originally came out. Shawshank should also be in the top 10. I’d put it number 1. Here’s a list of some of the movies that are ranked better than Shawshank: Nashville (unwatchable), Rocky (Adrianne!), Lord of the Rings (see above), E.T., and Star Wars. Anyone that says Lord of the Rings is better than Shawshank Redepemption should be shot. It’s that simple. I can’t even talk. And Graham hasn’t even seen Shawshank. WTF?

4. Where the hell is The Sting? No Cool Hand Luke and no The Sting? Do these guys just hate Paul Newman or something? Did he sleep with all of the voters’ wives and husbands? Do they hate his non-profit salad dressing? Do they know what good movies are? Titanic and Toy Story are better movies than this? What crack are these people smoking? I’d rather be stuck on the Titanic while it’s going down than watch that movie again.

5. Eighteen of the Top 50 movies were made before 1950. Other than movies and books, name another genre that praises the outdated more than the current. Oh wait, religion. I get it with books because timeless stories exist and the first person to write it goes down in history. I understand that movies like to view themselves the same way, but they aren’t. The technology used to make some of the great films just didn’t exist a long time ago. Now, I don’t want to pull a Graham here and badmouth movies that I’ve never seen, but I just can’t imagine that a movie made in 1916 is one of the greatest of all time. I just don’t see it. Maybe I should go rent Intolerance and give it a chance. Then again, the same people that ranked this movie 49th also made the above four mistakes, so why bother?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why so much hostility towards me? Look, I admitted in a private e-mail to you that my criticism of Clerks 2 without seeing it was lame. What more do you want? A public apology? Fine, there it is! Now leave me alone!

Anyway, since you didn't link to the AFI list (rookie mistake), and I'm too lazy to Google it, I can't comment on the list specifically.

I will say this: in my previous experience with AFI, it seems as if it's an organization run by cranky
septuagenarians (not unlike the outgoing Bush administration). As such, it's hard to take their opinions too seriously.

Then again, you don't like the movie Heat, so it's hard to take your opinion seriously as well.

-Graham

Chris said...

I'm not hostile towards you, you oversensitive Canadian. No wonder you guys are so against fighting. Even a simple dig leads to whining. Ugh!

I put a link in for you, you lazy bum.

You haven't seen Shawshank and think Heat is the best movie ever. I can't even talk to you.

Chris said...

I'm not hostile towards you, you oversensitive Canadian. No wonder you guys are so against fighting. Even a simple dig leads to whining. Ugh!

I put a link in for you, you lazy bum.

You haven't seen Shawshank and think Heat is the best movie ever. I can't even talk to you.

My Blog said...

I’ve got a bone to pick with this list.