Tuesday, November 4, 2008

They Call Me Moron

It’s time for me to vent. And no, I don’t mean vent like the Coors Light commercial suggests. I’m at work so this venting doesn’t involve beer, sadly.

I could spend an eternity discussing how the downfall of society occurred when movie theaters decided to hire Screenvision and Bradford How. However, I don’t have an eternity, I have 45 minutes till my lunch break.

Today I have to rant about the worst possible advertisement/music video I’ve ever seen. It pains me when I have to sit through this in the 5 minutes leading up to the start of my movie. I’m talking about the Kid Rock video/National Guard advertisement that you can see below. (WARNING: You can’t unhear this song.)

Now it’s time to discuss.

My favorite concept of this video is that somehow Kid Rock, Dale Earnhardt Jr., the National Guard and firefighters all have something in common. It’s like a Nike commercial putting Michael Jordan, Gatorade and sweat shops together for their latest ad campaign.

I’m also a big fan of Kid Rock’s patriotic lyrics. And by patriotic, I mean, if you don’t support war, violence and bloodshed, then you’re un-American.

“So don’t tell me who's wrong and right when liberty starts slipping away and if you ain’t gonna fight get out of the way,” Kid Rock says.

I don’t think Kid Rock wants anyone to tell him who’s wrong and right, ever. I’m guessing he’d end up on the wrong side every time. And if I had to pinpoint when America’s “liberty starting slipping away,” I’d put money on the day the Patriot Act was signed. I don't think this is what Kid is talking about however. And yeah, I’m not going to fight. I’m not in the way either. I’m glad we got that settled.

Kid goes on to say, “I'm givin' all of myself cuz that’s what I do.” What the hell has Kid Rock given? He shot a music video for the National Guard? Way to go! Why don’t you volunteer and head over to Iraq? Don’t worry, I’m not going to get in your way. I think that might be giving a little bit more of yourself, but that’s just me.

My favorite part of the video occurs at the 1:30 mark. Here comes the big, bad National Guard cruising the streets of whatever foreign country we’ve decided to invade and a small child happens to run into the street to get his soccer ball. The two guys in the military look at each other and nod their head. These guys know how to handle this situation. It’s time to take off the sunglasses, get down from the armed car, walk over to the soccer ball with gun in hand and kick it back to the kids. Cause that’s what the National Guard does! Too bad they didn’t hand the kid a Big Mac. He’d be an American supporter for life if they had done that! Sarcasm! Loud noises!

Then the video cuts to some National Guardsmen helping out firefighters for about 15 seconds. That was all the time they had for this scene because they had to get to the Dale Earnhardt Jr. race. Because we all know how Dale Earnhardt Jr. winning a NASCAR race is another National Guard principle.

Don’t forget, you can download this song for free here.


Anonymous said...

That song sucks! It is so awkward when they play it at the theater and everyone is laughing and snorting. Did they really think that the red-necks who support this type of ignorant view go to the movies? Maybe they should have posted this video at a Nascar race instead...
Above all, I hate that the makers of this video and song DARED to portray "Americans" in this light. I would venture to say that for the most part, America is nothing like that. If it were, we would not have gotten this far.

Anonymous said...

As a Canadian, you can probably guess how I feel about it. My stance though is more bemusement than anger. It pretty much just plays into every American stereotype there is. All they're missing is someone eating apple pie.

By the way, I feel I should apologize for Bradford How, given that he's Canadian and all. We're not proud of him.


Anonymous said...

say what you will about kid rock because he is a black hole to the human race. But the national guard still has a chance. At least they try to help people using their extensive month long training program. they also give up one whole weekend a month. i would like to see you chris give up a whole weekend to help society. whats up now?

Chris said...

Every time I write, I help society.

Chris W. said...

I couldn't agree more about the song. Kick me in the face.

About Health Blog said...

And yeah, I’m not going to fight. I’m not in
the way either. I’m glad we got that settled.