Watching the baseball playoffs recently, I learned that Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon has various inspirational quotes painted around the team's clubhouse. Nothing unusual about that, except one of the quotes is from French philosopher Albert Camus.
Such is life for the Rays these days. Win with Camus quotes on the walls, you're an out-of-the-box visionary not afraid to take a knife to conventional sports wisdom. Lose with Camus quotes on the walls, you're a pretentious, Elvis Costello-glasses wearing prick.
Anyway, it got me to thinking- what other quotes are coaches painting up on locker room walls? An exhaustive investigation* led to these answers:
Larry Brown: "Don't have anything in your life you can't walk away from in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat coming around the corner," by Robert DeNiro in Heat. You know Larry nodded with approval when hearing that for the first time.
Bill Belichick: "Both teams played hard," by Rasheed Wallace. Although, Belichick probably resents Wallace's revelation that both teams did, in fact, play.
George Karl: "They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works every time," by Brian Fantana. A perfect description of Denver's get-it-to-Iverson-or-Carmelo-and-get-the-hell-out-of-the-way offense they've been running for two years now.
Dusty Baker: "Oh, so they have the Internet on computers now!" by Homer Simpson. Keep on keeping on, Dusty.
Charlie Weis: "Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix," by Comic Book Guy. OK, that was just mean.
Tom Cable: "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman," again by Homer Simpson. A few weeks with Al Davis up his ass will have Cable screaming at the heavens.
Former Mariners manager John McLaren: "You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way," by (of course), Homer Simpson. I often wondered if McLaren was even awake in the dugout.
Mike D'Antoni: "We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent, I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together," by Champ Kind. Maybe D'Antoni won't paint it on the Knicks' locker room wall, but there's no doubt he'll be drunk dialing Steve Nash at 3 a.m. shortly after the season starts and repeating that line.
--Graham
*No actual investigation took place.
1 comment:
A perfect description of Denver's get-it-to-Iverson-or-Carmelo-and-get-the-hell-out-of-the-way offense they've been running for two years now.
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