Saturday, January 22, 2011

Title Game Previews and then some

Chris
I guess we aren't doing a playoff preview this week? Well done us, half-assed bloggers.

Graham
No we can do one. Let's knock this bad boy out...

We'll start in the AFC. The Jets went into Indy and knocked out Peyton Manning. Then they went into New England and completely discombobulated Tom Brady. Isn't it reasonable to think they can do the same to Ben Roethlisberger? I mean, why not? And you factor in that Rashard Mendenhall basically sucks...isn't it fair to assume they can do it one more time?

Chris
Guess who’s going to discount the Jets one more time? This guy.

First, we admitted Indy was down this year. I just didn't trust Mark Sanchez. And really, my mistake was trusting Jim Caldwell. I feel so dumb thinking he could do anything right. The fact that the Colts made the Super Bowl with him as their coach last year is probably the most impressive feat of the century. Seriously, who was the starting RB for the Colts in the Super Bowl last year. Addai? Was he healthy? I have no clue. Anyway, we're talking Jets, aren't we? So the Jets beat the Colts. Big deal...hardly. Now, what they did to the Pats was impressive. But it got me thinking. The Colts and Pats are built the same way. Suspect D. Great QB. Good WRs. Crappy RB. So shouldn't we have seen a tough, physical team being able to beat the Pats? But that game was their Super Bowl. They aren't going into Pitt and doing it again. They're spent. Plus, Pitt is just like the Jets but better. Better D. Better QB. Better WRs. At home. And they have a QB that just won't quit. That tops a guy with a foot fetish any day. Steelers win 24-16.

Graham
But at some point don't we need to start taking the Jets seriously? They gave Tom Brady nothing last week. If they're good enough and smart enough to come up with a game plan to completely shut down a team that previously beat them 45-3 earlier in the season, then they can certainly do enough to frustrate Ben Roethlisberger so badly he'll want to take them into a bar bathroom.

But then, you have to flip it around too- What the hell do the Steelers have in store for Mark Sanchez? Crap, can you imagine what they're going to do with Polamalu? Sanchez is going to have to spend the first 10 seconds at the line finding him, then trying to figure out what to do. He'll be more confused than you trying to find a g-spot. (I challenge you to leave that joke in the blog).

This is going to be one of those low-scoring defensive slugfests that make for such compelling television. You know what, screw it. Jets 14-13.

Chris
You know what's harder to find that the g-spot...a picture of you with a full head of hair. Look at what Mark Sanchez is doing to us, he's tearing RTS apart!*
*The Room reference.

I take the Jets seriously. What they did to the Pats was impressive. Can they shut down the Steelers offense, of course. But Ben isn't going to take their shots lying down. He'll give them shots of his own. And then, perhaps, some shots to their wives, girlfriends or daughters. But I digress. I simply view Ben as better than Sanchez and the Steelers D as better than the Jets. I really hate both of these teams.

Chicago doesn't stand a chance this week, right? Doesn't that scare you?

Graham
Well played, my nemesis. Well played. And I don't know what The Room is, so even better. But hey- the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!

Anyway, there's no way the Packers win Sunday. None. Don't even know why they'll bother showing up. I am completely dismissing them.

Chris
Go to Youtube, type in "The Room You're Tearing Me Apart." It's easily the best moment in cinema history.



If the Packers lose, it's because the Bears D is criminally underrated, or they choke, or God hates you.

Graham
We already know God hates me, as I'm a Mariners fan.

Chris
Why does your offense suck so bad against the Bears? Is their D that good?

And really, if we have a Mark Sanchez-Jay Cutler Super Bowl, isn't that an indictment against everything we think about the NFL?

Graham
If it's Jets-Bears, I might not even watch. I won't be the least bit excited.

Chris
If it's Jets-Bears, I'll take pee breaks and head to the fridge during the game and just watch commercials.

Graham
If it's Jets-Bears, I'll opt instead for a Sex and the City marathon.

Chris
I've got the complete set! I mean, my wife has the complete set!

Graham
And as far as SATC goes, remember the episode where Carrie was whining about her love life, and Samantha had sex with some random guy, and Charlotte was acting like a spoiled bitch and the ugly one was doing whatever she was doing? That one was awesome.

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