Friday, January 14, 2011

In Which I Make Fun of a Minor League Baseball Team

Not many people know that one of Chris's passions in life is minor league baseball. I know, I think it's weird too, but who am I to judge.

So earlier this week, after he was perusing the website for the Roswell Invaders (of course he was), he sent me a link to their website, featuring a series of photos of their rather, uh, modest, ballpark.

OK, I'm being nice. The place is a dump. But dammit, it's their dump, and they're proud of it. Go see for yourself.

After spending a good 20 minutes trying to gather myself after hysterical laughter, I put together a list of things about the photos that crack me up. In no particular order:

-The photo of the bleachers that have a roof over them. "Oooooh, covered bleachers. Classy."

-The park is called Coca Cola Park. Do you think Coke HQ has any idea their name is attached to this dump? Some regional VP in New Mexico bragged to the head office that he got naming rights on a stadium deal, but didn't bother to inform anyone it looks like the park I grew up playing Little League in. I almost feel like I should send Coke a note letting them know what they've invested in.

-The shot of the dugout taken from 200 yards away. "Yep, it's a bench." The fact that it seems to be situated right next to a neighbor's storage shed is strangely appropriate. Then later on there's another shot of the same dugout, taken from even further away. Then one taken at night. Baffling.

-I can't quite tell what the point of the fourth photo is. The "monument" is in the photo, but there's a better shot of it in the first photo. Maybe they're proud of the net, I don't know. Mostly it looks like a shot of a cloudy day.

-In the first shot of the locker room, the one couch is in total disarray. And the intern (or possibly vice president) who was assigned to take these glamor shots for the website didn't take 10 seconds to put the pillows into place.

-The night time shots. I don't even know why, but it kills me that they made some poor bastard stay late then go out there at night to take these photos.

-In one of the night photos, there are patches of grass growing in the basepaths, which are not unlike the effects of my ill-fated attempts to grow a beard at 17.

By the way, there isn't supposed to be grass in the basepaths.

-If you look carefully at the night time shot of what appears to be home plate, it seems no one has mowed the infield in at least 6 weeks.

-The locker room decor consists entirely of a Johan Santana Fathead. From when he was with the Minnesota Twins. His last season there: 2007.

"Hey boss, should we spring the $30 for a new Santana Fathead since he's been with the Mets for 3 years?"
"Is the old one peeling off the wall yet?"
"No."
"Then you have your answer."

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