Wednesday, February 22, 2012

RTS Oscar Preview

The prestigious Andre Brown is up for grabs again. Instead of dominating Graham with my sports foresight, we’ve decided to give him a fighting chance….OSCAR picks! I gave Graham the following direction before we started, “I want to make sure this is high quality Oscar review. You know, just in case we become the next Siskel and Ebert. I don't want this review to come back and haunt us.” So you know you’re getting A+ effort from the both of us. Without further ado, here’s the 2012 RTS Oscar Predictions.

Best Picture - The Artist
Every year it seems like one movie wins about 2-3 of the major categories. I have no real evidence of this as I didn't look up past results, and I don't know when the last time I watched the Oscars in its entirety. I think this theory is based loosely on Titanic winning a shitload years ago. Anyway, The Artist had some hype on The Twitter and I think it also did well at another awards earlier. Again, I don't have evidence of this, other than the fact that I skimmed The Golden Globes and Screen Writers Guild winners before I made my picks.

I can't wait for Sunday night when the Best Original Song category comes up, I lean forward in anticipation, and explain to Megan that the outcome of this award could determine whether I receive an autographed photo of a former Grizzly washout. I should just tell her now so she can get the divorce papers ready.

Our readers (Hi Dad!) should know I saw exactly three movies in theaters this year: Cars 2, Hangover 2, and Moneyball. The first two were terrible, but Moneyball's up for a bunch of these awards (even if the movie glosses over the fact that much of the A's success on 2002 can be attributed to Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder and Barry Zito). Of course, it's a sports movie, and those only win if the main character dies in the end.

So I make my picks with about the same amount of knowledge if I were picking the best wine of the year, or best Belgian short story of the year, or best blog post by Chris. I keep hearing a lot about The Artist and The Help, so I went with those movies. Very scientific, I know.

Here's my reasoning for The Help getting Best Picture: If The Artist wins, then it could mean a renaissance for silent movies. The only time I want to see a silent movie is if Rob Schneider is starring in it.

We both picked the same guy for Best Actor. I don't even know who he is. By the way, it's not that I don't see movies, or even see quality films, it's just this years movies sucked. I used to see about 3 or 4 of the best picture nominees each year. This year, out of 10, I've seen 1, Moneyball. The two best movies I saw this year were The Ides of March and Warrior. Anyway, Best Actress, I picked Meryl Streep. Doesn't she win every other year, her and Judi Dench just rotate right?

I'm going with Viola Davis because I am probably the only the person who still remembers her appearance in the ill-fated ABC show Traveler from a few years ago. I even wrote about the show right here. Everyone has at least one show they got way too invested in, only to have their heart broken when it got canceled. For me Traveler is that show. Now, anytime I see Viola Davis, Matthew Bomer and anyone else from the cast somewhere on TV or in a movie, I smile and remember the heart-pounding action of Traveler. Good luck, Viola. (-You wouldn't believe how long it took me to find that Traveler link in our blog. Seriously, could our blog titles be any more vague? We're an SEO nightmare.)

It took me 10 seconds to locate Traveler in our blog. I went to the top left search bar, typed in Traveler, and it appeared. Print that our for future reference. Or if you want to fly me to Portland for a hands-on tutorial, I’m game.

So I picked Meryl Streep because I was too lazy to do research and just figured she was a favorite, sorta like picking all number 1 seeds as your Final 4. And you picked Viola Davis because you were one of the 75 people that watched Traveler. Chris and Graham deliver an Oscars preview for the ages.

I picked Christopher Plummer for Best Supporting Actor simply because he won it for the Golden Globes. Anyway, I just googled him cause I didn't even remember who he was. I like that guy! So that's pretty exciting. Also, do you think that Paul Walker and Vin Diesel cancel each other out in Fast 5 and that's why they didn't get nominated? Furthermore, which one is the main actor and who is supporting? I would go with Paul Walker is Best Actor, Vin Diesel is Supporting Actor. But then what about The Rock? All this confusion cost these guys a shot at the Oscars. You'll never convince me otherwise.

I will never understand your fascination with The Fast and Furious franchise. If it's action you want, go on to YouTube and watch Traveler. Speaking of which, if Viola Davis wins, I'd love it if she turned her acceptance speech into a rant about how unfairly Traveler was treated by ABC, especially since ABC is broadcasting the Oscars. It might be one of the great moments in TV history.

Anyway...I picked Max Von Sydow for Best Supporting Actor because...uh, I have no idea.

Yeah, I'm sure Viola Davis bashing ABC for canceling Traveler would rank somewhere between Johnny Carson's goodbye and Seinfeld's "The Contest" on the greatest moments in TV history scale. Also, I'm sure that she'd use her 3 minutes to discuss the travesty of Traveler's unjust demise at the hands of corporate suits instead of talking about the theme of The Help, which I think was about how racism is bad. I don't really know, I didn't see it.

We picked the same for Best Director (Michel Hazanavicius), Best Adapted Screenplay (Moneyball), Best Original Screenplay, (The Artist) and Best Animated Film (A Cat in Paris).

So really, it might come down to Best Song. Why in the hell did you pick against The Muppets? Everyone loves The Muppets, including Oscar voters. Do Canadians not like puppets? Also, why is there only 2 nominations? Was there not another original song out there?

Lastly, I like how you picked The Artist as Best Screenplay, Best Director and Best Actor, but not Best Picture. Bold move there.

Why did I pick against the Muppets? Because I knew you'd pick them, and thus I knew we'd be different on this one. As for my voting pattern, you're supposing that I put much thought into this. I did not.

"You're supposing that I put much thought into this. I did not." If that doesn't sum up the 2012 RTS Oscar Preview, I don't know what does.

If that doesn't sum up everything we do, then I don't know what does.


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