Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I'm overpaid and mediocre, and undervalued

We’re back. After a brief hiatus, Graham and I have returned to talk about offseason NFL news. Can it get any better? Of course not. Here’s today’s email chain.

I read this today, "(Thomas) Jones, 30, the team's No. 1 running back, has been a no-show for all of the team's workouts this offseason. Jones is scheduled to make $900,000 in 2009, the third season of a four-year, $20 million contract he agreed to when he was acquired from the Bears in 2007. He made $13.1 million in the first two seasons of his contract."

Let me get this straight, you are Thomas Jones, you somehow got someone to pay you $20 million bucks, you've made $13.1 million of that already, you sucked last year, just turned 30 (RB Death) and now you want more money? I wish my employer would frontload my salary like that. They give me 65% of my yearly earnings in January, then in May, I tell them, "I'm not happy with my salary coming up. Also, statistics say I'm about to be half as productive at work starting right about now as well. But regardless, I think you owe me more money."

What the hell is that? It's hard to live in a world where Thomas Jones signed a 20 million dollar contract, but it's harder to live in a world in which he isn't happy with that.

What kills me is that at some point, when he was getting set to sign his contract, his agent would have said, "Now remember, in Year 3, you're only getting 900K." He signed, and now is unhappy about it? Stuff like this makes me dislike sports. Not as much as Roberto Luongo giving up 7 goals in an elimination game, but a little.

What's even worse is that he was blowing through that 13.1 million without a thought in the world and now he's like "Oh crap, I don't have the money to pay the house note on my 3 mansions, the car note on my 18 escalades and alimony for my 3 ex-wives." And we sit here and say he's "only making 900,000." Only? Hell, I won't have made $900,000 in my lifetime until I'm 50 and he's bitching about it being his salary for what, an 8 month a year job?

The other thing is, if Thomas Jones calls the Jets and threatens not to report, do they at least feign disappointment to spare his dignity, or hang up the phone altogether? Seriously, Thomas Jones?

I bet it went like this.

Thomas Jones Agent: David, I've got my client here, star running back Thomas Jones, and we wanted to let you know we think his salary for the upcoming season is unsatisfactory for a player of TJ the TD Machine's caliber.

Jets GM: Who is this? Jerry, are you playing another prank on me?

Agent: No, this isn't a prank, are you disrespecting my client? We want a new contract for Jones.

Jets GM: (Uncontrollable laughter). Stop it! Stop it Jerry! I can't take this. I have to get some work done today.

Agent: Thomas will not be at workouts tomorrow.

Jets GM: This is too rich! I just wet myself. What next, Brett Favre wants to comeback for the 18th time? While we're at it, let's just go ahead and sign Joey Harrington to a multi-year deal. Ahhhh-hahahaha. Thomas Jones is holding out. That's a good one. I'm exhausted.

Speaking of the NFL, how great was the story that after the Seahawks signed TJ Houshmandzadeh he got a call from Chad Johnson sobbing because "everyone got leave except him".

Between Johnson stuck in Cincy, where many of their problems are of his doing, and TO ending up in Buffalo, it feels like there is a modicum of justice in the world. Now we just need Jay Cutler to blow out his elbow and I'll be happy.

Yeah, this is what we do.

Chris & Graham

No comments: