Week 4 NFL Preview

Tampa (+7.5) at Washington

Graham: I was going to ask if Jason Campbell vs. Josh Johnson is the worst QB matchup the NFL could possibly offer us this season. But then I realized that conversation can’t happen unless JaMarcus Russell is involved. Regardless, this game is crap. Washington just snapped Detroit’s 19-game losing streak, and Tampa was shut out. I can’t tell you who’s going to win, but I can tell you this: the margin of victory won’t be eight. They might not combine for eight points. So Tampa covers. And either way, America loses.

Chris: This is the last time I let Graham decide the games for us to preview. What the hell am I supposed to say about this? This game reminds me of the Douche vs. Turd Sandwich South Park debate. I’m taking the points.

Tennessee (-2.5) at Jacksonville

Graham: Stat of the day: Tennessee’s three losses have come by a total of 13 points. You can chalk it up to astonishingly bad luck, or a team that can’t close the deal. Sadly, I’m going with the latter. I like Tennessee, but I retract my preseason prediction they’d be only a game or two worse than their 13-win season last year. They are done. Jacksonville’s the pick.

Chris: I dislike Tennessee and called for them to have an 8-8 season. (Sorry, couldn’t type for a minute there while patting my back). I think maybe 8-8 is optimistic at this point, but then again, I still don’t like Jacksonville. Too bad I already used the Douche vs. Turd Sandwich reference, cause there’s not much else to say about Kerry Collins and David Garrard. I’ll take Tennessee.

Baltimore (+2.5) at New England

Graham: Coming off their loss to the Jets, I picked New England to take a dump against Atlanta last week. Then the Patriots shut down Tony Gonzalez to the tune of 1/5 fantasy points, effectively kneecapping the third best player on my team, and I lost my first fantasy matchup of the season. Should I be afraid to pick against New England from now on? Maybe. But I’m not starting any Ravens this week, so screw it, I’m taking Baltimore to win outright.

Chris: First off, why does Microsoft Word show “Tama” as a correct word but matchup as an incorrect word? Seriously, Tama is more prevalent than matchup? Who saw this coming? But yeah, I was dead-on about the Pats not only beating the Falcons last week, but covering. And now, I’m going against them. Baltimore is the best team in the league. Write that down.

New York Jets (+6.5) at New Orleans

Graham: Two 3-0 teams going head-to-head, one with an explosive offense, the other with a terrific defense? Sign me up. With no Packers game Sunday, this will be my main focus on Sunday ticket. Except for when I have to tend to my son and read him “Curious George” for the 742nd time. I mean, I love my son and all, but if I have to read about George and the Man With The Yellow Hat going camping one more time, I’m losing it. Oh, and The Man With The Yellow Hat is gay. Just sayin’.

Chris: When did the phrase “just sayin” become part of the vernacular? I heard Matthew Berry use it once and thought, “I’ll never use that phrase.” But now, everyone’s doing it. It’s stupid, just sayin’. Anyway, this looks like the best matchup on Sunday, but since I have no fantasy players involved, I’ll probably be watching Indy-Seattle or something. I have a problem. Anyway, no way the Jets lose by 7 points or more.

Dallas Cowboys (-3.5) at Denver Broncos

Graham: So I was sitting on the can this morning catching up on last week's Sports Illustrated, and I was reading that part where they ask four athletes pop culture questions. One was "_____ could have me at hello."

One answer was the guy's wife, there was the obligatory Jesus reference, and Patrick Crayton had this one: Aaliyah.

Didn't she die, like, 10 years ago? Did no one tell him? Has he been waiting 10 years for the new Aaliyah album? Are people that afraid to break the news to him? And if he does know she's dead, isn't that even weirder? Why does he want a dead girl hitting on him?

Anyway, Dallas gets the nod.

Chris: I love the fact that Aaliyah has been dead for 10 years and this freaks Graham out, but Jesus died like 2,000 years ago and doesn’t faze him. Is Graham only freaked out about semi-recent dead black females? Must explain why he lives in Oregon. And “___ had me at hello is a romantic reference, is it not? So Jesus having you at hello is a romantic thing. That’s worrisome. Oh yeah, uh, Dallas.

San Diego (+6.5) at Pittsburgh

Graham: Hey, do people know about Vincent Jackson? I mean, he’s awesome, but you never hear about him. How in this day and age of media saturation can someone so good fly so far under the radar? He’s like football’s version of Ken Cosgrove. Adds so much without you even realizing it. Which is my way of picking San Diego.

Chris: I like Vincent Jackson. I’m pissed at myself for not drafting him “too high,” having everyone make fun of me and now me shoving it in their stupid faces. Did I mention I have a fantasy problem? Anyway, didn’t Pitt just lose to Cincinnati? And now they are supposed to beat the Chargers by 7 points? I just don’t see it.

Green Bay (+3.5) at Minnesota

Graham: If Green Bay loses, I might not surface for a month. I won’t be able to handle it. So for my personal sanity, I’m taking the Pack. God be with me.

Chris: The Monday Night game that might make Chris Berman’s head explode. Hell, TVs might explode. Has there ever been a bigger Monday Night game? This is the NFL version of Shaq vs. Kobe from a few years back, without the rape charges. I still can’t fathom that Brett Favre is going to re-legitimatize his career after the stink bomb he threw up last year in NY. I think Favre is going to screw this team over when it counts. Well, you know what, this one counts. I’m taking the Pack.